Vapors

2011-10-08T06:17:00.001-07:00

i officially shut off.

5th month

2011-04-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

Ha, time flies... my fetus is officially 5 month old. So far all checks n scans have proven a healthy baby gal is on her way. As baby is the main focus now, nothing else seems to outshine her attention. I was at first so worried about the outburst of gender will changed the current behavior of my in laws. But thankfully nothing has changed so far.

I always wanted to experience real womanhood, complete with motherhood. Then came the very 1st question, wat kind of mummy am i going to be? I always thought that as long as i have a real good husband to play the father role... i will follow nicely behind as a real good mother.

Well, after talks n discussion with my hubby, erm... maybe there is a new perspective altogether. My hubby got a real weird sense of upbringing altogether. I dunno how to continue to believe in my belief anymore. I started to read alot to get myself slightly better prepare for the responsibility that is coming along with it.

Also at this point of time, my status with my husband has gone 100% legitimate. I often felt that i have snatch away happiness from someone else. But upon recent days, i wonder if i only snatch away her happiness or i have given her back her freedom to choose a better life. My hubby asked if i have regretted marrying him, i can only say i need time to adjust to his abrupt and impulsive behavior. I guess i have no time for regrets.

post marriage life

2011-04-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

many have questioned me about my married life. But i dunno why there isn't a single soul i can pour my heart to. I harbored good intention with hidden truth. I am sure i din not marry a man out of spur moments. I am sure of our love at many points of time. But the only thing i might not be sure of is our common understanding and our common ground.

He is fighting hard outside with all his might and power while i am constantly waiting for his safe return. Understanding the position of a full time housewife, constantly worried and hoping to salvage any situation at home as far as possible. But the changes from a working life to a full time housewife is not at all appealing. Many nights of waiting in vain and constant fear of being a burden is not aiding the tense environment. I questioned my ability, and i questioned my trust in him?

I merely wanted him to have focus in what he is doing and not bumping onto hard walls all e time. i failed to bring my fear across as i totally have no influencing power over him. i wonder if i should juz stop trying so hard on my end, pouring my side of worry out to him all the time. But i tot communication is the key to all relationship. i dunno y, from today onwards, the overwhelming sadness has taken his place. what will make him realize, i am willing to share everything with him. Even the worst scenario...

He kept mentioned about the support that he hopes from me. But have he ever wonder, what i need from him?

heh... married life, is juz a stage which you make problems of the other party into ur own problems. Mind you, it is a mirror effect, wat you eventually experienced is triple the amount of problems originally in you. i tink i am facing tt mirror right now...

a few more hours left of being Ms Puai

2011-03-04T09:02:00.000-08:00

i am always amazed and amused by the fact that you are so willingly to settle down for me within weeks of knowing! To the exact timing, that was all i need. And you provided all! i have no complain or any bad things to say abt you ever since then.

Then came a day when i am finally preggy, you are more than willing to hold responsibility and give me all tt i have requested. More than i can ever ask. from the day i snatch your heart away from your history, you nv fail to amaze me. You have made me feel tt all the wait n faith was worth every inch of holding you in my arms. But you never felt my undying love in the same manner. Often you doubt them. Making myself doubting myself too.

Preggy days made me very emotional. easily shed tears, easily felt bullied by many pple esp you. i came to understand your heart to heart talk do not mean tt u r complaining, but many atimes, the differences really never put you off my radar even for a split second? Cuz i felt so everytime we have a serious talk.

Then came along with the much expectation proposal, i dun need an alarming n eventful one. But i tot at least it could be a well prepared one. Although disappointment were instantly brushed off with another serious talk. Yet, deep down, i was indeed over rating your ability.

I wasn't prepare for my sudden pregnancy yet i welcome the idea of having a child of yours cuz i tink i really love you. Willing to put down my singlehood, freedom, n private life just to start something new with you. Quitting my job was my biggest challenge i faced in life. I gauze and calculated all my losses yet i went ahead with the idea. I might be silly and not sensible in any pple's eyes. But i nv thot it could brought you so much discomfort. To the point tt i feel inferior for not working. wat done can not be undone...

Perhaps, you have nv been this involve in such a relationship with heavy burden. I can only hope everything is temporary, God will guide me thru even if it is goin to be another darkest moment of life. I am so hoping that you are so right, a fancy proposal doesn't means a happy marriage. Hopefully and unfortunately, this is the only condolences i am relying on.

I am so goin to be Mrs Tan real soon.

Paused

2011-01-05T01:15:00.000-08:00

I tot paused function is only available to DVD players. It is actually applicable in daily life. A few days ago, due to my habitual lifestyle to make full use of things, I headed towards a period called the unknown fear. I questioned myself for the source of fear. I questioned myself for the unsure.

Instead he questioned me for my level of willingness, my level of sincerity and my comfort zone for this transitional period. It is a huge commitment, maybe the biggest one in life, but we both chose to pause it till further confirmation.

My exact fear: insufficient understanding, impulsive behavior and the health of the little ones. But all these can only be solve with time yet I am so deprived of it. I am lost again.

I just re-created my password my password keep moving up e ladder every month, maybe it is juz the indication to me next level of life. I am just too engrossed in the present which I forgotten to enjoy the process and not adjustable to yet.

supertitious

2010-12-10T02:18:00.000-08:00

Many a times, when human are generally hopeless and morally depressed. They often go for the prediction! They start to believe supernatural power. I on the other hand, totally addicted to the telling of the unforeseen future on normal circumstances. Months back, my very comical and hilarious working associate was on a dinner appointment with me, we touched on the familiar ground. We are both hardcore addict to such an “art”. He strongly recommended one of his most reliable sources, I took liberty of the contact and headed straight up to him the next following day.

He is located near my work ground, within couple minutes of walking… I am ready to face the ticklish truth. The whole session is within half an hour yet I felt a decade has flown by. His expertise is on short term precise prediction. Most of his assumptions hit me hard on my expressionless face, making my face turned amazingly stunned after the whole session. I would say… he is 80% accuracy.

Months later, I looked back of all the things that I have encountered. I am shocked to find that he is so closed to 100% accuracy. As he predicted, someone who reside in my life during winter time and it came directly right at October. The start of winter, the start of warmness in my cold blooded heart! Although it wasn’t as smooth as I hope it will be. But due the extremely effort in making everything falling into place really amazed me. Sometimes I couldn’t believe myself that I can feel like this again, sometimes I thought I am in dreamy-land. But I am glad that it actually came and overwhelmed me and my soul. I must be blind and guided by a sense of warm tickling down my inner soul.

No matter how non-superstitious comments keep pouring cold water on my belief, I refuse to differ. I like my current standing, my current status, my current activities and my current Mr Antique

Unmanaged

2010-03-24T01:28:00.000-07:00

I somehow have forgotten since when I find life so huge n magnificent. I find everything beyond control, everything out of my league and strangly everyone seems fine about it except me. Dwelling deeper each time I pondered. I came to learn to stopped myself each time before more white dazzling hair folicles start to form n stay for good. Comarades around affirmed me that as long as hapiness is concerned everyone is selfish, irregardless how other view or judge you.

Somehow I tink I haven master the art of it. One thing suprisingly good about ageing so far is the fact tt emotion is not as roller coaster as the youthfulness. Trying to pictured myself in this piece of art 5 yrs back I most probably will be degrading myself away. I thought I am glad I am not this time round. But it could be the chicken out factor which comes along with age.

I believe I am able to discover another jewel from another source. I still believe in my worth and my charisma would someday appeal to the right attention. As messy as it can get now, I guess the only way to find peace from within?

I nv thought I would be a great companion, but I think I am fun at least. Most impt, I nv like dogs...

The after taste of love

2010-01-14T16:25:00.000-08:00

If all things can change, ur love pls remain unchange.

Nv understand how can love downgraded to a level of familiarity known as best friend. So it remains at this stage forever? Will it go down further to strangers? How can I ever be a stranger in ur eyes. It is strange to be living in denial of a recognized environment.

One chose a familiarity as a responsiblity, others prefered serence solitude.

I am stuck in between both.

All I am praying for is a real good time ahead, be it lasting or not. I took the 1st step out, so I shd enjoy to the fullest so no regrets later.

2009-08-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

i tink my com is doomed.. not only i can't logged into facebook n hotmail, now even my blogger seems to be affected too.
let me try to a new post n see how...

once upon a time

2009-07-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

another free day at work! i almost paralysis...

Which do u prefer?

1) Love
2) Comfortable Companionship?

do you think they r suppose to go hand in hand? wat if u can only have one of them?

Greedy, are you?

changes is the biggest challenge in life

2009-07-26T01:06:00.000-07:00

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesnt believe, and leaves before she is left."- a verse quoted from facebook.

totaly bewildered juz like a little child! Stared at it as if my life has been played in the same manner. Isn't it?

On my bus journey back from Muar, a lots of little things penned in my tiny pea brainy. Grandma witnessed a patient when went into forever silence. For my grandma, is definitly not a pleasant sign considered her current encounter. But still happy to know that she has been on the road of recovery, slowly and steady i hoped.

Tomolo marks a new day at work. Although i have already make long term planning with work situation. But coming to terms of acting very close with one who i dislike to the core, doesn't rythem and it is definitly not me! Sad to say, i still has 16hrs to convince myself i can win the Oscar award the next year. Why my current situation only keep geeting worse. When is my silver linning goin to appear?

It will, as long as i dun lie, dun steal, dun rob, dun kill... good things or changes will benefit me one day.

Super positive!

my best bbq..

2009-05-24T04:45:00.000-07:00

no more..

2009-05-16T05:26:00.000-07:00

have been expecting to carry my chanel bag for the past 3 weeks, today juz gotten the sms all e way from London, its out of stock. I felt a sting of disappointment flowing thru my bloss vessel.

anyway, Shaun, still thank you veri much for asking ard. Attempting to assist me. I guess me n my Chanel is juz not fated yet.

Maybe thats y i am fated to go for scuba diving more. But dunno why, the feeling for both is so different. juz simple can't justify the two together. Hope disappointment will fade away slowly.

upgraded

2009-05-11T07:17:00.000-07:00

An excursion to Holland Village for Mexican food n booze...

according to all, i have been upgraded in work.. in term of prospect, everyone thinks its better in the current setting. But i suffered terribly in term of the learning process. the hardest part is to familiarize the unfamiliar. i am trying my utmost effort to master that.

other than that, my beloved sis juz delivered baby boy Jave into mother earth today. Congrats to her. Hope she will show photo soon as we r not allow to visit during the H1N1 era. will be paying her a visit this saturday, can't wait to see the newborn, secretly hoping tt he look like May. Ha! Finger crossed.

another two more day, is the balloting result. As excited as ever, another set of prayer altogether? Praying hard for the lucky number. My flat or not?

Mr Right Or not?

2009-04-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

this qn has been pondering in my mind keep reminding me of my decision to be... in less than 2 months time.

i am getting panic..
confused..

so i keep asking all kind of pple abt their mindset on my qn. It varies from individual to individual. So which is mine?

i have been veri contented with my present. Happy with all the surrounding.

juz one little area, will be the final decision maker...

so it still bring me back to square one.

shd i add another possible factor? like the next balloting exercise, if i managed to get it, its goin to be a sign from God! any no less than 300!!!

Amen!

happy event

2009-03-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

i decided to share some happy events too... happened to realized i only like to pen down unhappy stuffs.

Amidst of all the uncertainly laying ahead, finally i saw some light coming thru the steel wall! I witnessed improvement. I witnessed hope. Finally in such long time i start to feel different.

When it happened smoothly for the first time i am unfazed by words. When it repeats again, i tot all my silly problem has dissolve juz like vapor.

i secretly pray n hope it will remain like this in the long run... finger crossed!

God Bless!

公不公平？

2009-03-08T00:37:00.000-08:00

你使终还是发出你心里的不满！大声喊了出来你的魏屈，用力发泄你的不爽！我的眼泪也不由自主的流了下来。就算昨天我拼了命把它吞回肚子里，今天它双倍流下来。
我气我自己不能向你坦白，同时也怨你为什么要懷疑一心一意的我。我这个人没什么优点，也就是不会劈退。就算再不好的情况下，我都会选者一条然自己痛苦的路，好然你的路容易许多。我能做的就这样儿以吗？你对我的信任就到这里吗？
你回来时又会对我说些什么呢？如果是一些会然泪水流下的话，那我求你别说！

朋友=笑声

2009-03-05T03:48:00.000-08:00

原来有朋友的地方就会有笑声！
我好幸运，我的好朋友就一天八小时的坐在我旁边，然我笑不容嘴！

人生目標

2009-03-04T03:45:00.000-08:00

一向认为自己有数不完的人生目標的我，突然好像失去生活的意义。我在不久前刚放弃了自己一之以来最想的目標，不知道是否也不小心的放弃了很疼我的他！我们都努力了很久，计划的很远，可是走的道终点吗？

一切变的很某生，两人对彼此的隐瞒，彼此的逃避，还可以撑多久？

我还是我吗？心有动摇吗？我们还有希望吗？

其实，我也不清楚。只知道，如果真的累了，就不撑了。我会放弃的！

会安排好心情，从新出发。在为自己找另一个人生目标。

2009-03-03T04:07:00.000-08:00

someone asked me to seriously consider saying "I Do" to him!!!

globalization

2009-02-28T21:41:00.000-08:00

was talking to a long time friend on MSN, realized how blessed i have been. With my looks, that fellow remembered me cuz i am cute back then. Hee. How shallow can it be at the same time.

recently chatting on Msn make me realized many things! One: a nice guy doesn't mean he suit you. That also end my misery of pending. Two: Rich guy looks older than they suppose to be. Less attractive then poor guys. Third: I prefer funny guys with a little motive, if not they r too boring for me!

reflecting on my conversation many years back, he is right! I am not suitable to be surviving in Muar. Only now then i agreed to be proven right. Still, i am looking forward to be goin back next trip.

Muar: a place that warms my tired heart n soul.

Rainbow

2009-02-25T04:19:00.000-08:00

Pple have been saying there will be rainbow after the rain... I nv believe much as i hardly see rainbow these day...

Suprisingly, on my way back from work, another tiring day, i saw a full fledge rainbow along the train... I bent over n blinked my eyes to make sure i wasn't seeing things. There is was, a beautifully crafted rainbow above my head.

Can't take my eyes off it, can't believe some saying really come true! Is tt really meant for me in adhead of my toughest time!

Thank God for giving colorful light onto my darkest moment...

2009-02-25T04:18:00.000-08:00

the most hurting words: Find urself a normal guy!

Strange encounter on CNY2009

2009-02-10T05:58:00.000-08:00

As usual, in my perception the few precious days should be spend in a place a truly feel at home. Muar where i belong, when i pended all my life i can retire in one fine day. When i am old n cranky!

I took leave n headed home in my auntie's car with a new member in the family Keane, my auntie's first child.

Upon the familiar n never changing hometown, i get to know many new friends. To be exact, i shd have known him abt 1 and half yrs back. I went Malacca for a interview n was rejected cuz they dun tink i am suitable. But dunno why, the owner ask me out this festive. Surprised n anticipating this session!

It was a normal night with many more friends in Muar warmed my heart, but it only lasted tt night. Nothing else followed up after tt. Although was quite sweetened by the fact another man volunteered to cook for me n showered attention on. It was quite tempting to go astray!

Mood was dampen along the stay when things dun turned up as it is promised on the first night, tried all my best to make memory n feeling stayed the way it suppose to be. But it seems tt nothing is the same anymore.

Attracted more friends along the way n truly appreciated their pressence n input! Although secretly hoping for the unreturned favor promised by a supposing nice fellow. Still praying tt it will be returned as soon as it can be.

Going for Taiwan trip soon, Hope it can bring current situation to a more fruitful level of comfort n self esteem. Coming back with radiance tt i longed n missed for a long period of time.

A rare entry for a rare occassion indeed!

lesser

2007-12-14T23:39:00.000-08:00

Thanking for coming even though you are working tomolo.

Fairy God father n darling pris have a small gathering at O bar.

me, paul, joel, edison having fun play five ten.

what a terrible week! i decided to end with puke n tears. haven gotten drunk for a million years, yesterday was a col of mine last day in the company.i admired him for his courage to tender without securing another revenue. we went drinking cuz i insisted getting drunk.
and indeed i was, i used to be knowned as Queen of Hai Bei Cheh, but kept losing terribly last night to a newcomer. But thats was my intention, drink more n get drunk.
Andrew was there too, to pick up Pris, i took chance tt i was drunk and scolded him, this morning adrian reprimanded me. Watever, i can't be bother!
i am surprise tt you visited this little corner to understand the situation, leave a damn silly n uncomprehensive comment.
suddenly i juz wanna comment on the situation, everything is lesser, from the day we stop kissing in public. becuz you think that is childish. i suddenly can't remember when did we kiss again beside that. how come even kissing also so foreign with you.or am i juz childish?

Another failed attempt

2007-12-10T16:41:00.000-08:00

i dunno how to explain disappointment, i need to vent it out, i need to wrote them loud, i need to see them live, i need to hear them right!

i am not desperate, i am juz normal, but why aren't you treating me like normal? i used to think we are ready for more things in life, believing you will bring me my rainbow after all the nasty rain. But why rainbow never come.

applying for shelter was the biggest present you have ever promise me, but now come to think about it, are we ready for it? will i have to suffer more of this kind of torture, mentally humilated! Suddenly i imagined myself behaving like the older May, seeking some other comfort elsewhere. I dun wish to end up like that.

i feel for my sister so strongly now, we clearly know tt problem not on us, but can't hurt their ego by saying its their shortcoming, it became a untouchable subject.

when will my rainbow come, where is the improvement? where are we heading to? how come it seems dark and watery from my eyes.

lost some unwanted, found the precious

2007-12-04T07:26:00.000-08:00

unpleasant incident was one afer another one, but i juz like to talked things out, My No1 rule: talk face to face if you r not guilty!
but i have a hard time arranging for one, infact, somehow forced it on pple! Then I felt so much better after that, but well there again pple might think i am petty n unreasonable, even a big bully-depend on which side of story u have heard.
So in the end, i can be isolated by the whole world, but so wat, i still have supporter telling me from time to time, yah, there is all we are left with, but strongly we stay. Thanks for believing in me.. thanks for being there.. thanks for taking side, thanks for revealing the ugly side so fast.

Barrack@Demsley Hill

2007-11-20T04:53:00.000-08:00

My very long awaiting 24th bday.

The menu!

My mysterious present...

The quite tasty food...

the main actress

Even the toilet, is just the so posh...

and retro!

the organizer!

the chocolate cake

the recipe

the scenery 1

camouflaged, if only i can!

the final countdown my LV Damien.
Thank you dear! I really love you, I promise!

Birthday

2007-11-12T06:43:00.000-08:00

Finally i managed to break the evil spell! My 24th bday is around the corner, juz realized so many people having their bday on Nov. Everybody is celebrating bday! I am no exceptional! I am going back Malaysia for my bday!
Something new, i am not expecting any grand or anything wild. Juz wanna go back and spend with the correct pple.

some flash back, a schoolbag all the way from Muar to Singapore on my 1st bday in Singapore. Followed by the most romantic cake someone fed me by the finger during the 21st. Somehow, i guess i have enough of bday, i used to plan n come up with many irregular idea. But recently all the anticipation has gone with the wind. I dun not have any wanting list for bday anymore, even if i have- i might not even get it. So i stop wanting, i begining waiting, waiting for the desire to unveil themselve.

I still prefered CaSh!

past memory

2007-10-06T05:06:00.000-07:00

was trying to kill time while waiting for the Man U match, decided to watch the movie PROTEGE starring Andy Lau, Daniel Wu n etc.
was immersing in the details featured by fair color lady with her extreme will to quit drugs. she indeed did so well that my heart poured out loud for her. flash back of old old miserable memory starts coming back.

remembered some years back when i am also same age as the little girl in the show, i will always peeped at my dad doing almost the same thing, he dun use needle yet, just merely inhaling the "white dragon." the veri "high" mode he would reached then carried me out of the dirty scene when he is done. OOps i am being discovered! He never hit me, cuz i noe he doted on me. He hit my mum though!

Sometimes, when i looked back to the past, i tink i seriously should be grateful to my mum who brought us out to Singapore, a place that is much better in comparision.
Thank goodness i am what i am today.

Launch Partying at Thumper

2007-09-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

i would really like to announce to everyone that my beloved thumper is open again. i had so much fun last night at the new thumper! with free drinks n food. only to special invited guests only...
they offer a range of party costumes for us to put on and take polariod for us.then a artist drawing our pretty faces, then magician to perform stunts, super model in bunny suits, python, and playing with fire balls. they created a red carpet for us to walk n post to be photo in all direction, juz like a super star!
then wif the familiar songs sang by Zoul and his band, starts the night with music and dance as early as 9pm...
i hope i can see more of the old regulars there, at least i noe they are up to some standard n class. yesterday, except for the familiar faces, the rest sucks. Moreover sucks to the core! shan't elaborated, dun wan to spoilt my appetite.
will load the damn nice photo soon...

cheap thrill at Dragonfly

2007-09-09T05:19:00.000-07:00

thats the free bottle, left behind from a good soul.

trying hard to take a nice picture wif my dear, but somwhow still failed.

with e regular Candy-san there, she looks great in her tight fit BeBe dress.
lastly, is my dear with Candy, both in Black! we were so bored tt i keep asking them to take pictures.

haven been to club for the longest time of my life, finally managed to get into Dragonfly without quene. we reached there at abt 9pm, dun even need to pay cover charges! then gotten the bottle left from previous trip n juz paid for the mixer. thats y its a cheap thrill!
i tink i have wrongly accused my babe, she did something for me at the veri least, but i am not willing to give up juz like this, i will try again. to get e desired pay.
mind you, i am not even high, juz red!

some thoughts

2007-09-05T04:28:00.000-07:00

pple wonder why i can give up everything here n go back Malaysia to get a worthless driving license. with no obvious need for one at all, that reminds me, i haven been driving for a month already. i wondered how will i perform when i get to touch e steering wheel again? possibilities seem too overwhelming?

i have been wanting to pin down this memorable break in life, the reason, the idea and the benefits.

this break is activated at late March this year, after Chinese New Year. i give up my useless n unproductive design job and left this small town. with only 1/8 of my baggages, i headed back to Muar.

once i am back there, i went travelling throughout Malaysia. went to KL for a 10days vacation. i tasted the most original corn yet the most tasty one along the roadside. its really a taste tt i can't find elsewhere. followed by a spring in Cheras, a veri natural one, with the steam vaporating every second. i love hot spring, totally have great fun there with my old auntie, she made funny remarks like, "will we cook ourselve alive" esp when she was soaking her butt, she gave me a worry look...

i haven got a chance to build up relationships like that with them, although we are already veri close n concern abt each other but this trip make the roots grown much deeper than i have expected. this is priceless.

i am the glory and fame of the family, cuz of my ex cabin crew status. so rare there that my grandparants would always annouced b4 i can stop them. anyway, i like growing vegetables with e two oldies. i tell you we have the best papaya fruit bearing plant, mango, soursop, sweet potato leaves, tapocia and many many more. its so satisfied to eat the vegetables. u will nv imagine, u choose wat you wan then juz go pluck... then cook...

cooking classes in Muar n KL have been fulfilling, my onde onde, pumpkim cakes, mango pudding, season pork meat, meat dumpling, asam fish, veri fresh seafood at portugis town and many many more of choices. my regular kakis is my old auntie n young auntie. wif my po po's help at the back scene!

i have a total of 4 cousins... 2 teenagers, 2 little kids. the 2 olders one, need lots lots of communications, care n concern. i proudly acclaimed the respect from one of them before i left. he tod me to take good care in Singapore, n promised to ferry me ard when i am back next time when he gotten his motor license. i felt tt my care n concern have reaches him in e heart. most probably will leave a memorable place in his heart till i am back next time.
the other 2 little kids are the demon n angel of the family... they make my days, spoilt my sleep! i already miss them badly though.

my KL uncle, is the best father or relative i have seen b4. the trouble he took to prepare for me breakfast n dessert early morning at 5am! warms my heart totally, making me 1st time in my life yearning for a father.

the learning process, each car practical n test i went thru in Malaysia, kind of put the passion in learning back in to my "dead" life, i suddenly feel the enrichment and started feeling useful n ready to absorb more interesting infomation.which i haven gotten the feeling for the longest time in my life. like ever since i left Jal, the searching process dried me up totally. so this trip have more than juz a driving license benefit but its both a spiritual n emotional growth. i rate it a First Class backpacking experiences.

when i gotten my license n need to head back, the tears shed on the way back, reminded me the 1st trip i made to Singapore, when i was only 8 years old. Totally against my will!

although after this trip, i am damn broke! but all of the above is PRICELESS. muar is the only place i called HOME.

my new collegues

2007-09-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

i dun tink i need to intro this fello, she is my long term buddy. But she is a mum.. mind you!

this is also a mum... but they are all ALN specialist!!! at least they claimed to be!

a clubbing session at Zouk with my fellow trainees. all younger than me! thats make everything boring n stale. they actually call me "auntie" mind you. kids nowsdays no manners!ha

my boy...

2007-09-04T05:57:00.001-07:00

i juz realized that i haven actually introduce my boy before.. above displayed is the mischievious dear...wearing my Transitition glasses.

visuals..

2007-09-04T05:31:00.000-07:00

the veri much awaiting clubbing sessions during the Saturdays... all dress up for red carpet treatment at Malacca...

have been having fun.. so have to show some latest visuals to prove otherwise... this was one of the trip in Malacca. there are some nice pple in Muar, thats have been ferrying me ard like a princess. plus they always have faith in my driving!!! oops!!! on the damn scary highway.

getting old getting timid?

2007-08-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

someone offered me an overseas posting, i rejected without second thought. Then happily told my pillar about this, he beg to differ!
its has been his dream to work overseas, and i know he has been striving hard to achieve this ambition, but i simply turned down the offer! but he understood where i was coming from to reject this offer, I been to quite a numerous of places when i was a cabin crew, i dun like to be alone in another part of e world, i hate e feeling of stranded in another town, and most imptly, i hate being bullied and no shoulder to lean n cried on. I hate to miss major holidays when i am all alone in another empty room.
but when i tod another person abt this posting, she gave me another answer,"if i am young like you, i sure go" i dunno if it is becuz i am old already to feel the need to stay input in Singapore or i have been enough compared to her.. suddenly i think back, if this position was offer to me 2 years ago, i will sure fly there n join the company.
like for example, 2 yrs ago, if you let me try bungee jumping and sky diving, i will be on top of my world to say yes I DO! But now, i am begining to back out on this once in the life time muz accomplished things. Maybe is due to e Six Flag in LA, i am begining to admit i am getting on my age! Does tt explains tt a old person is a boring person? Or how can i make boring pple young again?

Moving on

2007-08-25T07:45:00.000-07:00

new updates everyday leaving me breathless! fast forwarding the time, hopefully i can predict. Watched the star search last tuesday, then i realized i am getting on age. Like a losing end to join these competitions nowsadays! But my Jal colleague is Looking for a dream there, i will support spiritually. Gambante Jeneen-san!
As the days passed by, i am getting more n more irritated, not by my job yet! Crossed finger! By some fello! Some nerves cracking character!

2007-08-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

a day wif strange encounters! was feeling physically uncomfortable e whole day, due to constipation problem i guessed! Have been trying hard to release unwanted waste but unsuccessful for a numerous attempt. Finally supported with ciggie to aid the problem, rushed to the ladies for another try, still failed! Unwillingly to give up just like this, i was in the loo for 20mins. Resulting late in reporting for tapping session at work! Was invited for a small talk by my manager. Irritated by their too rigid working attitude, they actually expect me to inform them! Can i like tell them" i wanna to shit but can't?" anyway that almost spoit my "beautiful Monday."
Tapping on calls have been incredibly interesting, encounted quite an great explosure today, too bad i can't share the details! Cuz, in this "unique Ba*k" anything regarding work is highly confidential! That brought back my smile for the day, esp wif great mentorship.
was aimlessly shopping in Taka while waiting for my "pillar", went to see my LV Nerverfull GM again, i juz have to get it! Then went to look for an old phone pal in Gucci chatting abt imitation of the latest Gucci designs then came this middle age looking man staring and glaring at me quite obviously. My pal tot is my bf but ended up is a total stranger. and i tot is his friend! wat a misinterpretation cuz by glaring! In the past glaring will invite fights, but nowdays is seem likes a acknowledgement between friends! Time changes human behaviour huh?
finally almost home, walking hand in hand with Mr, wif these two young Malay teenage boys on bicycle riding past us, one of them actually wink at me twice when he bypassed us! wat a damn bold act i tot. Confessing to Mr after they went off quite a distance, he actually turned back and shouted at them from where we are. My Mr still cares!

immersing

2007-08-07T07:31:00.000-07:00

Like it! Love it! I nv noe tt training was so nice. remembered my previous training was like a army BMT! 3 days a test! All kinds of test! But now, even though its training but i kinda able to express myself better than previously. I dunno why is there such a different but i am enjoying it. Even when i am sleazy and feeling tired, is still alright! When during role play, i actually only put in half of my previous effort yet managed to yearn e best result. I felt so accomplished, not becuz of my effort but the spotaneous answer! My training is still a long way though, but in the mid of it, i am already planning to open a multi currency account. Fully utilized my stay here. But if any of you happen to want a HSBC credit cards or higher saving plans pls contact me wor! I can get referral fee. Thanks wor! Am i not totally into my job? I am amazed by my spotaneous involvement too. Its like a miracle!

Good Nite

2007-07-31T06:34:00.000-07:00

I have been running out of time these few days. I need to accomplished quite a no of adminstrative stuffs b4 i relaxed and get into the mood for the real thing. I calmed myself down with this new theory i learned in Malaysia, although still far from perfection, but it works well so far.
Dun care about the pro & cons, juz go wif the flow... no expectation, no excitment and no sleepless night before work. Take it light-heartedly.
Another thing is to go practical, rational, and bo chap attitude! Which company will wan me right? I guess thats the right approach towards little details in life. Since Goals have been shifted, so proirity should be adjusting to suit the needs. Its nice to sleep well and start a new day. Although is just like any other day!
I feel famous in a way! Towards my tomolo! Hope i can keep a low profile! Cheers Corrine

Starting Soon

2007-07-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

I only came to realize how much i might have missed out for the past 4 mths. Although i have my fair part of fun in Malaysia but life still go on in Singapore without me. What worries is the unknown amount of fun behind my back.
I chose to believe and acted naive. I have been busy looking around for new goals in life. For example, My LV Nerverfull GM! Was trying to get a cheaper deal in Rome. Lately furniture malls seem to be my best hangout place! Testing all kind of mattresses to support n uphold my posture. It has been quite an eye opening when the price tag stares at ur eye balls!
Showflats was another adventure, critising almost every unit. Maybe the ideal one in mind is too prefect to accommodate others. All this semms more exciting then the awaiting training n tests in time to come.
Juz happened to realize National Day is on its was to ease my training period. Guessed is a blessing in disguise. I happily countdown to the memorable day in another 36 hrs. Too soon yeah?

Family matters

2007-07-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

I finally got my driving license after a 3 months break in Malaysia. Congratulation to me! Thank you. Upon coming back, i have great plans ahead. I wanna look for a high paying job except flying** So that i can save up for my coming home to be.
Before i can get to that stage in life, i need to settle my family matter. Need to guide my sick brother towards the bright side of life. Need to go thru wif him the dark and lonely tunnel. But i am not so sure if my capability is up to desired. As much as i wish to, there is even much more that i hate to. Nobody understand my worries, not even himself. I guess he has been looking forward to my guidance, but juz as much that i refuse to comply.
I agree that i am selfish, self-centre,cold blooded and more to acclaim for. But if i can find another excuse for him, or he can offer one for me, i will juz turned back and agreed to our previous plan. He didn't. I can't find that one hope too. But i guess i need to do more serious planning to get over this on going problem in life.
I hope new job bring new joy into life. Although my 1st choice seem far too reach, but i am still harbouring the slightest hope. Went for a couple of interviews... hope to get confirmation soon. I guess decision will be made upon new carrer locations. Lastly, Yong, jie jie loves you!

the Me in Malaysia

2007-04-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

Some little updates in Malaysia so far, I have been forced to fast forward my car license thingie. I have relatives n friends looking out for English theory test all over Malaysia just for me. Still the whole matter is on pending.

My regular sessions there is to wait till my auntie is free to drive me to foodies. So many treats from her already, I so pai seh! From Monday to thursday, my job at home is to sleep well and eat well, started water coloring the other day. But half way to finished product... rain started pouring! so till now is still half finished! Another interesting event is my exploration of getting drained in the pouring days.Some dripping raindrops from the rooftop feel like massaging on the face. All in all i have fun getting myself real wet! My ah gong thought i went crazy!One of the most sane thing i do daily is to ride on my old biscycle around the Taman. Mind you still have many watching eyes gorging on me.

When the weekend approached, friends become available, we sit down gracefully at the mama tang to discuss soccer, 4D, work and many unmentioned dirty jokes! I also have a weekly guest at my place! My little cousin Jian Yu- so scared of me yet still so naughty. When he is around, the whole family got busy juz to satisfy his basic need or to get him tame down.He is the joy yet the demon! He is my morning call too! Once he wakes up there will be no peace, he will throw all kinds of items at you till you response. The most memorable one is my belt, so painful that i jumped out of my dream juz to get even with him.

Lastly, i finally conquered my fear of using my house's toilet! I have been drove to other toilets when need arises! But juz before i come back, i managed to do it right at home!I am really getting comfortable there. So much so that i dun really feel like coming back, even when my mum tod me abt my brother admission to the hospital,i still chose to stay till a better timing. Like Now!

New Joy- Jacie

2007-04-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

The new member of our joint... Jacie was brought to us on the 13th April 2007. It was such a heavy baby-29.4kg. Just in time when i am around. I tink we maybe fated. Lets give our dearest sister May a big round of applause! She is like so wonderful to the many of us. So fantastic! Went throught the final stage of womanhood! Well done my dear.

I prayed for this baby gal to grow up fast n pretty like her mum- the eyes. The nose like the dad. Most importantly to be healthy n obedient in time to come. Hope that this joy will be join us soon in our KTV, shopping, gossipping sessions soon. Pray for May to get well soon and join me on the many interviews to come.

Before leaving

2007-03-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

I am ready to leave here already, there wasn't much of letting go but more like on the run.. Like Prison Break. I packed my clothes and daily essential to be brought back, and plenty of drawing materials. I am ready to go back for real work, any kind of art i like! I have so much in mind, hopefully i will do it one by one in time to come.

Most importantly, +6012 343 8492 is my beloved auntie's contact no. If there is any communication needed this is the way to reach me at. Dun worry about me ya! I will be fine in my grandma's hand. I will be "guai" and will grow spiritually when i am back.

Bye Singapore for the 1st time since i have grown!

The Answer

2007-03-19T00:39:00.000-07:00

Someone told me the answer before i went ahead into wilderness. I headed further and landed in cave! A cave that i am trying to get out till this veri moment.

Corrine Puai-
@a simple gal,
@narrow minded,
@dun like to wear mask cuz my face is pretty enough... at least presentable enough. @slight perfectionalist,
@a dreamer,
@a sleep lover, but recently lost the amazing ability to do it as and when i want.
@a food lover,
@practical,
@spend-thrift, a woman who thinks *as long as i have ten bucks i am still consider rich* that she is most of the time quite rich.

@know how to doll herself up at the right time, cuz the rest of the time she dun bother to *might scare you off! Ops... i am so sorry* get out of my life if you can take the pretty me only.

@an artist-once in awhile might have some interesting artworks to keep your eyeballs rolling

@a attention seeker
@a runner- from reality
@a Fashion wannabe- not all the fashionable items look nice on her.. like the current 60s make her look like her mum. Spare me!

@classic lover
@open minded in accepting new things
@challenge seeker
@determined fello
@easily amused-like mundane lifestyle, i find joy in them.
@easily touched
@soft and hard hearted- at different issues.
@deprived of kinship- miss my hometown
@romantic
@a die hard friend- apply selectively only
@straightfoward- reduce a level of 2 recently.
@stubborn
@yellow lover
@swim like a fish
@leisure seeker
@travelling lover

i dunno when the list will end, perhaps when the next answer comes around.

Juz to kill time...

2007-03-08T21:54:00.000-08:00

I expected myself to be free of work for the past 3 days, but i was damn busy. Expected to be clearing a lot of unknown today, but, i am damn free. How the world has turned? absolutely opposite of i am percieved.

I called my darling, she seems alright though. Let me see, if i am in her shoe... Mr A will be a past tense since dunno when. Dragged all the way till today, he love her alot? Well, i use to agree, but i beg to difference since a couple of days ago.

Corrine's defination of love: a kind of attraction that embracing one's quality and weakeness. sparkling in tender loving care. an unknown factor that make the atmosphere shine within the souls. a form of acceptance of individuals.

But my dear friend Alan have another way of expressing "love is a deep n tender n ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person. Can be kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness."

I dunno why, I kind of prefered his version. Anyway, my darling, sometimes Love is actually much more simplified than we thought. A lot of factors can be overlook. Dun really need to probe too much into every little details. Set a standard... how much you can accept, anything more or less, just let go. Sounds too motionless huh? But it doesn't matter. Something against my moral, but i need to spill it out... Singlehood can be a real thriller.

If that love? Or only comfort and care, maybe added some way of conveniency... for all these mentioned qualities does not equivalent to "LOVE". Kindly set a peaceful heart to think through, darling, there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Cuz, you are always the "Mei Shao Nu".

Its always easier to say... how about it's even easier to type!!! Sometimes, its a matter of time b4 you realized everything is over. I am on my way to find out whether it is over for me too?

I Hate Mac

2007-03-06T19:12:00.000-08:00

I longed to post a entry... but not on a bloody Mac... can't even have the luxury to post comfy. Let me tell you abt this Mac, this the one of the poineer in the Mac new look... the transparant casing with white triming.. Ya! i tink you got it... they have their fame when i was still in secondary... Well in lay-man term... Its OLD!

I have been trying my upmost ability to understand how it benefit a designer. still i haven manged to figure it out. Given benefit of doubt, the problem dun lie on my intelligent but it hit heavily on my IT non savvy mindset. Well, i minimize my usage on Mac,therefore foundation of relationship isn't strong. So doesn't matter!

I have went back to Malaysia for a great holiday during the Yearly renuion Chinese New year. So indulged that i dun feel like coming back at all. So what happen is that, I made up my mind to go back for good... who say no.. Call me n tell me Y?

There is no room for me to turn back already. The date is fixed! 3rd week of the month i will be slowly moving back. Most of my barang will go to my mum's place for the time being. Then some will go back with me. U might have tons of ???????? but, i have great plans. Great hope, great accompany, hopefully great success in months to come.

Pple mistook my intention, i was nv tt noble.. i used to have everything here in this small island. I will nv throw anything away for something unsure. But it is also the last rebate i am offering. Happy if appreciated, if not dun Regret! I am not tying a dead knot here... options are all open. Shall see who grab the better ones.

Dear friends out there, let me remind you... I will be back for at least 2 months.. if not longer. So you can make plans to meet me up b4 i am gone. If not dun miss me. Wun be getting auto roaming... to expensive to maintain when i am not working. will post a Malaysia pre paid card no... Call me if there is any emergency...

which includes:May giving birth( top priorty) Pris quarrel with somebody again (2nd priorty) if any1 getting married... if there happens to be another round of SQ interview...and as you name it... cuz if u call me.. u pay the expensive bill... and mine is free incoming.. wahahahaha. So if you need me to chat, all r welcome!

Dun forget my voice are so sexy... call me yeah!

Am i going to be like this forever?

2007-02-15T21:37:00.000-08:00

I seriously believe pple ard me somehow still find me messy in thoughts. I felt i have long past the trance period but still unknowingly revealing at times. It is only thru the words of mouths and casual communication then i will realize.

I wanted to be longed in Singapore, wanted to have someone caring for me thru thick and thin. Thats why i gotten Him. Somehow, maybe it is Him at the same time make my ambition seem so hard to bear. I dun need anyone to understand. But maybe without it, i can be better off in that nice picture i painted at young.

I nearly thought he is almost prefect. Becuz, i learnt to control my temper so much so as in i am seeing him more important than myself in most cases. Everything seems to go hay-wired. No longer like the past, no more showing of true affections- Like when I am training in Japan, no more sweet little stuffs-cute bears or keychain. But plentiful of grumble. Dun feel like shedding tears dun feel like sinking in.

Sometimes, when i ask myself then what is holding me back- is it the flowershop he promised me? Or his persistant in improving? Or his almost decent lifestyle? Or his logic after logic to calm the nervous me? Or his forever nonchalant attitude?

Whatever it is... this time round i am intending to give all up. I am dissappointed. Sick of all the underlying rules and regulations, sick of him not being automatic, not automatic is not the worst, the worst is told him what to do already then still need to beg him sometimes. Sick of all the fake wishes... which is given upon forgiveness but none of them ever come true.

Emotion

2007-02-04T07:46:00.000-08:00

Just watched the final round of Project Superstars 2. I realized that it wasn't winning, its all about emotions. It wasn't how people deem only on stage but ton of homework behind the scene. When someone put in extra effort unknowingly, step by step the person will eventually grown attachment to the surrounding.

With attachment, followed up closely with feelings n emotion for each individual item in the progress of success. When one day, every effort n hardwork pay off and became clear to eyes to the millons, they lost the mystery, lost the anticipation. Finally its time to say good bye to the attachment that have grown too deep to be removed.

Sudden lost of words and sudden lost of holding to the future, hoping that it can be rewind, to be forever living in fame and in Hope. Nothing last, no fame that will never end, no flower that will never fade. No soul forever lost!

I always get too excited when i watched their performances, like i am the one in dream to be, but the only fact i sure know off is that i clearly know the feeling when result is unfold. I felt like just left that stage of dream not too long ago, realizing it wasn't my stage.

contented

2007-02-01T04:55:00.000-08:00

I have been veri lucky in many ways. Aunt even commented that i was fast in my job search all the time. True enough, I finally got my designer job even though i already return everything back to school. Moreover, nice enviroment and nice people. But, in the midst of learning to cope with Mac workstation, i was indirectly transferred to a paper work dept.

If i am contented i wouldn't be bother to look for green pastures again. But i yearn for another one. But this time round.. I have alot in mind, I wanna to gain experience in my designing field as well as explore the darkest part of my dream. Wanna to do so many things in such period of time. Realizing, it is goin to be an exciting year ahead.

Started off with Aerobic classes on every Tuesday at my nearby Community Centre, then Badminton on weekend. More plans like taking car lisence and finally putting braces... Starts with smaller one first, step by step i will walk my way to accomplishment.

Goin got interview every now n then is also a must...

Useless

2006-12-29T07:02:00.000-08:00

I dunno why, my moodswing is at the full fledge now. Out of the blue, i will feel damn useless. With more people talking or rather advice me on my unclear future, the more i tend to feel like this. This is so unhealthy, only my certain pple managed to calm me down b4 i broke into tears. I dunno- can all my friends dun ask me anymore question with regards to what am i doin now, or what i intending to do, or telling me staying on like this is only going to waste my youth away.

I have enough, i need my space to dream again... because without a dream, i can not even dream of flying with glory. Suddenly i feel like i am back to square 1 again. Dreamless. No direction in life.

Do not try talking to me, left me alone, let me figure out on MY OWN. Thanks alot.

A matter of time

2006-12-17T20:00:00.000-08:00

My Bday Dinner- Fine dinner= exp but not filling
The best seaview from L.A- Santa Monica
The most valuable flight- Las Vegas. I spent 2 days there but only took this photo. The rest is gone with e old pc
My Best Friend wedding 25th Oct 2006. I am getting to worry that i will soon have no sister for my own one.

My blog is no longer happening as it used to be. But i still hope more awaiting souls will pop by. Am i too greedy? Sometimes I really wanted to blog down a couple of thoughts, but just always not the right time- the thought came and left without leaving traces.

A lot of happening things occurred, some really rejoicing, some really saddening and some definitely frustrating. So much so to i dunno which come first or latter. That doesn't matter, let me load my memories... one by one to all my beloved reader? Is there goin to be any?

sweet talk

2006-09-17T08:49:00.000-07:00

haha.. after typing for so long only get to know that it wasn't even published properly.
ok nvm, this shall be the unknow blog with no head no tail only tittle and some words...
i hate to retype...

complicated

2006-09-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

i still remembered vividly how naive n innocent i can be 2 years back. i nv doubt any saying from anybody with the thinking that i see no need to be lied. *bang* into hard hard wall and the the barrier towards all guys suddenly rose high n strong. the priceless turmoil stil placed somewhere near memory n near heart. As a never to forget lesson from the guys on Earth.

Complication get settled in from then, the rule of believing only 10% and reject the others 90%. its safeguarded me all these while and i truly benefited tremenously from it. Some pple say i am equally proffessional but i beg to differ. I am trained to be. Does every proffessional comes from such an upbringing? i really wonder...

Does not really matter. I may be complicated becuz there is a need to... esp in you. But i am definitely the cute n naive old me in someone else perception. I guess i am not complicated but putting on persona only towards some doubtful soul.

You haven seen the real me yet.

tempting

2006-08-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

sudden flashed back to old talks at coffeeshop with my bitchy sister dicussing about temptation. Still strongly remembered how she commented on my strong will of not getting tempted easily unlike of her misdeed all the time.

Ha, I guess she will be like WOW!!! i got tempted too. Like wat i say i like to play mind games with fire. Some people claimed to be simple yet not so, i claimed to be complicated but dun seem enough. Frank is my word, got me into deep shit most of the time.

Either pple hate me for being one and love me to the core for able to be one. i just couldn't help by being one. I tried so hard to keep a secret but still broken loose in the end. Becuz i strongly believe in honesty pays only in relationship but not apply so in others.

I know some unexpected reader will read my blog when only thing cropped up and when i refuse to speak. So things can be only explained in my general summary. I hate to admit this but i guess some elememts come true. Although deep inside i know i wanted only him and none others. But on the surface, i actually encountered a mental block from him to me. Hinting me to stop and take a step back before everything backfired. I can't afford even thinking without him. Thats how strong my pillar is! But i silently took the hint and ventured out on my own restless way and found some form of enlightment or even temporary pillar.

No that strong but sufficient for a 3 days rest... That is if i can't find better one. sometimes juz seem like it! Too good to be true. I put my trust on risk. Like walking towards the dreadful route. I am scare if i lose my mind game, i am scare that i expired again, i am worried if i ended with NOTHING at all.

All becuz i am tempted!

confused

2006-07-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

without to explain into details...

i went to work! In a govt related organization and learning all abt office life. office wear and even office politic. i muz say i have fun in the learning process but i feel unsettled.

so unsettled that the feeling to quit was stronger than any fun on my second day of work. the thing is i feel alright in office but once i off work i began to ponder and wonder will i like this job anot?

or am i going to be committed anot. dun wish to waste any more time on my part as well as wasting time on others if i am have no intention...

luckily there is no contract basis. can leave anytime. i actually dun noe how to voice the pros n cons this time thus i dun noe which sources to get help from.. HOW?

betrayed

2006-06-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

nothing felt worse than this now. an overwhelming sense of unsettleness. a loss of sequence in handling emotion ties. an unexception quiteness laying ahead. making me tossing and turning without directions.

i dun noe where to start an arguement, how to open discussion or even hinting at the topic require too much strenght on my part. i am hestitating to leave it as it is but my undignified heart refused to swallow down the unjustified.

i am left with no choice to turn to my only listening ear, my dearest blog!

i have made decisions to be more trusting in him, deciding every factor on his benefits. i hate to admit this but i really tink to regret doing so. i afraid that i might left lonely and deserted on this foreign country where no relatives are really near. where most of the time i only have him to rely on. but i noe at times we not only can not communicate but also i became a constant source of irritation. i am afraid my auntie's prediction comes true. we maybe juz can't stay together for long. the last thing on my mind is that once again i reached my expiry dateline again.

is it too late too regret now? i dun noe y i dun feel like ending here and back to my sleeping alone in his bed.

Blessed anot?

2006-06-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

Was sending resumes and emails to various openings but so far only one got back to me. Was excited to take up the offer but the contract nature of the job is making my hair stand. Against my tempted heart, i turned down the offer. A few days later, was much consoled by a fello with bad experience with e same company. This should be blessing i tot?

Never fancy posh saloon for my haircut... out of convenience i went wif him for one in Reds. i was quite ok with mine, since he paid for it. but from Reds to home he has been unsettled be cuz of the new hair style. He hated it. So am i blessed again to have a ok one from the same saloon?

Nvm he is still trying to deal with the new look, thinking of a way to present himself to e public tomolo.

Pris darling recommended me to her manager for a open position, while my may dearest intro me to her yoga instructor to earn some fast n easy money. It is a blessing to have both of them in my life? I guess so!

i was juz mentioning to him that he took away all my luck ever since we were together. he get better or i shd say nearer to his dream while i juz have a bad fall from realizing my dream. leaving myself totally dreamless. Yet he is still ever motiviate to work towards his dream each morning. While i drag sunshine n live in darkness almost everyday.

He concluded that he snatched all my blessing away. hee! He always say he can read me like a book but only recently i realized he doesn't. He tinks that i dun noe wat he has been thru in work. I noe it wasn't ideal but i guess he took well enough that he din complain like me. So i try to avoid talking abt work wif him and keep a positive look on his work but he tink i am juz not sensitive enough to see thru him.

Whatever it is, i guess the wind blowing in another direction! All e blessings are starting to come back to me huh!

Dun worry, I am not living dead but juz feel like going for a short break till i am ready to embark on another journey which i really dun noe where to starts from yet. Its a long way, i shall entittle myself the longest break i can ever afford.

Plentiness

2006-06-21T00:23:00.000-07:00

In a blink of an eye, 2 weeks juz flew by. I muz say I am glad that pple ard me are more anxious in my future than I have been.

I went back for my only left Auntie’s marriage on the weekend and ended up everybody put the red bomb on me to be the next one… I helped her on every detail to find that the tradition has layers unfolded. E day started with selecting the gold items for the newly wed. Then to the Hen’s night buffet held at our garden.

All cousins gathered some even with their prospective boyfriends and girlfriends coming from all parts in Malaysia. Showing their most genuine congrats to the couple. As the oldest in my generation, my other half denied the invitation. I guess he doesn’t know that that’s the only family I have in the whole wide world that I love the kinship they have been providing even though I am always not ard. Totally speechless when I was asked why he din make it.

I saw the fun, felt e atmosphere and attended the sense of urgency when the guest are all coming and our balloons are still not ready yet, hee all cousins n theirs gf, bf all helped, even the youngest helped in pumping the balloons, some tied, some climbed and some designed. Without saying, I did the designing. Ha!!

Then immediately rush to prepare my forte dish: Fruit Salad for enhancement of the ordered buffet. Was cutting happily with my childhood auntie and talking abt life changes. Still, as a mother of 2 (mind you she is only 3 years older) rushing me to settle down asap.

The last I did was preparing the “tang yuan” for the hair combing ceremony. It’s a ger session, all e gfs all sat down and started to roll n roll. It was then I realized I was really no longer young and less attractive to the newbie in the family. No wonder everybody rushing me to settle down. Wat’s enlightenment!

I was even more busy on the day itself, all the games and regular taking photo session and then finally the dinner. I was indeed as busy as anybody can be.. In charged of ang baos collection and hired as my auntie’s personal dresser. Hee multi tasking is my norm man!!

Although busy but I liked it earnestly.. I extended my stay unintentionally and dun feel like coming back.. till someone summoned me back.

I seriously dun noe why.. I went back again this weekend. Hee!

Annoucement

2006-06-07T09:26:00.000-07:00

after exactly a year of suffering, i QUIT my job Today. i simply dun care anymore whether is a termination or resignation. I accepted my fate graciously. Like my dear had asked me how am i feeling upon recieving the letter of termination, i felt numb- 80% of relief and 20% of regret of not bearing thru the contract.

All in all, today is indeed eventful enough to mark them in my longed forgotten blog. in the midst of my downfall in job, my super duper idiotic landlord actually called up my office and bubbled all sorts of nonsenses. i wanted to sue her! but dear advised that going to Police can't change anything. So i actually have no choice and swallowed down all my anger intending to pack n leave the damn house.

the last thing is...... all ups and downs, my credit card got approved on the day i quit my job.. how ironic these banks can be? My beloved Lady's card was send to me finally. luckily at the end of the day, i think i will be smiling to sleep.
TIAN ZHU WO YAN! you shall have more incidents and unfortunate stuffs forcoming. so much that u can't handle and finally close down.. ha!

another attempt.

2006-04-25T04:27:00.000-07:00

everytime onboard silly funny thoughts will appear in my mind and i also remind myself to write them down once i get hold of technology. lazy, forgetful, watever u call it. i will be scratching my head and think really hard wat i wanted to jote down that day???

having a 3 days pattern and now i am struck in Osaka writing my blog at this time. was utterly dissapointed in this hotel cuz they dun have "onsen" service. so bored that i took a bus to the nearby outlets and trying to get things for myself but juz can't find any. maybe it was the after effect after i recieved my credit card bill yesterday. Scary!

i have a nice dream b4 i left singapore, someone was hugging and whispering the sweetest words into my ear and i was floating happy. hee. was someone i used to rely alot on someone who can make me travelled without much complaint. someone that will nv complain that i put on weight and pick on my big butt. i have been reminding myself to msg him when i get back to Singapore tomolo. he will be damn surprised to recieved my msg. can already imagined his expression. the dream will be e prefect ending to wat is left undone and unsaid. but i dun tink he will be reading this, so Mr Dream On will be always nice to me becuz he nv noe wat i wanted from him. hee. arhhh... so sweet i wanted to stay in my dream!!!

well instead of dwelling in the past well not cherish the present, i like my current care taker, he attends to my needs from head to bottom. not too loudly and silently doing them for me. recently we have this "finding flaw" competition, he started calling me "big fat butt" and in return i address him as "balding man". apparently these hurt our egos but we kind of immuned to it eventually. hee.

i have a huge arguement in the airport that day and landed me in depression mood for 2 days. Seriously dunno y tears will juz flow once i think of work. sounded like some lunatic sia. Pple asking me out every now and then but i keep reject offers. not because wo bu shang lian but i actually dunno how to let go and enjoy myself like i used to be in the past. so pardon all my dear friends.

before i end this windy post, would like to express thanks to all those encouraging comments left by my fans.. Hee. totally heart warming.

Sex

2006-04-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

used to tink that it was a sensitive topic and can only reveal to e closest only. no one else... but a thought came by when i was on my jumpseat awaiting for arrival, i secretly yawned... and a couple drops saliva was accidentally sprinkled on my arm! my first reaction was YULKS!!!
maybe i was too bored, it reminded me of sex... when all saliva all over you yet u feel like wanting more... hee, will only apply in sexualogic.

the more u sweat the u better u feel, like totally immersing into the sexual experiences. no complaints and no disgust. u will feel like king and queen in bed and love the pleasure to the maximum. Especially when orgasm! u juz pray time will stop there and make the second freeze.

i am juz wondering, same kind of situation but on different place and enviroment, certain thing dun really serve only one purpose in life. they have different expression and bring different meaning in different place.

u muz be tinking wat is wrong wif me to talk abt such a topic, but i can't help it if i get horny onboard. Ha! I noe u r now rite!!! hee. Have fun then.

rusty

2006-03-28T06:38:00.000-08:00

trip after trip, day after day, taking off landing down, i grew old and lonely thru the months. bracing myself thru each flight giving myself hope that i will meet great pple each time. disappointed added up till a huge iceball and started to roll towards me... burried and frozen my soul within.

it started with a beautiful dream that i thought it might last forever but apparently my expection is not meet. motivation died down instantly, its only the greedy need that keep multiplying and that keeps me going...

never like to put on a fake front never like acting but recently i have done so many friendly acts till i almost can't recognized myself anymore. they tend to dig at every word i say and trying hard to find fault with me. life is hard isn't it?

sometimes i dun noe whether i am lucky or not? i see gers like me with e same picture in mind trying hard to pursue them ... look so much like me in the past but i dun encourage anymore...

maybe everything will end soon... i shd start to stock up all my oversea needs.. from my favorite snack Sunchips, to my victoria secrets toiletries, bath n body works, coach bags and etc... juz continue to indulge in my collection. time will be over soon. i pray real soon. i dun noe how long more i can last. before i surrender to coldness and loneliness.

why?

2006-02-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

i think hard, i think twice, i ponder to wonder... why do u have to do this to me? i did my best in all area to meet up with expectation. if u already have an answer before the game is over, then why waste time?

Happily went back to Malaysia to celebrate the festival. i muz say i really have a great time! So nice and comfortable till i miss the town abit too much than expected. I miss the pple, the food, the accompany, the activities, the lack of urgency, the hospitality, the freedom. i juz like to go back again.

Used to think back the frequent trips i made in the past year was a sweet memory with a bitter ending. every other possibility was casted aside juz because i am a city ger. If that is the reason why do u still care so much abt me? why the never ending nice gestures still exist? why i can sense ur sadness when u noe the truth from my mouth?

i seriously dunno if u ever regret, but i noe i din. every effort i ever put in was all e affection i have in me. But i guess human move on. i am juz one of them. i wouldn't say i am moving on very happily and i gotten wat i have been waiting for. But at the bottom line i did move on.

lazy, simply not motivated

2006-01-19T08:27:00.000-08:00

if time dun fly, then they sped! I dunno how or when or what i did during those off days of mine... so many days ... but in a few more days i have to fly to Saigon. True, i love the place... massages, manicure and hair services at damn cheap and affordable prices.

But i am juz wondering i have to spend my lunar new year on the aircraft serving pax. How wonderful can my schedule be? Anyway, the company offered Termination, it so damn tempting that i started to send out resume and stress myself over job and finances. I tot i have reached my quarter life crisis again. People i am waiting for advice refused to even comment, alot of other helpful souls started their sharing. But the most rewarding one will be the one i have with my ex boss. He narrowed down each and other possibility and offer me jobs if i were to take up the "offer".

Taking my future into consideration, i shouldn't take the easy way out. Since i am the one who signed the damn contract and already went Japan for training, i shd be responsible with every decision that i have ever made. Happy or not, i am continuing my sickening job. My brigade honor then.

With that i settled my restless soul and happily went shopping for new year. Bought 2 more apparel from Burberrys. Hee they are having discount!!! But still in search for my must have dress...

Personality

2006-01-07T22:35:00.000-08:00

Haven been able to come down with terms with my inner soul on my future stakes. Talked to numerous connected souls in my searching for career peace. Only came to realized all can only done or start from within. No wherelse can catered to my current need. Then felt as if i was hit by a ball and woke up to senses like a dumby.

Too busy looking for shelter, too busy handling unwanted gossips. too busy meeting up with someone. But ended up in boredom and sickness during the whole festive seasons. Well, managed to spend one of them Locally but no the other one in the noisy hotel at the other end of globe.

Struggled up to all my expanded veins on my last flight home and ended with trouble again. I care less! If all my loans and bills can stop and hold on for awhile more, i would not even can be bother. But still have to go back and face the music and hear the pending tomolo. Life sucks.

Finally located a place for accommodation. somewhere nice n cheap. Special thanks to all my helpers... Or else i will be staying on street with all my belonging settling unwanted in the nearby bus stop. Sound pathetic.

Happiness set into my life a couple of months ago. Leaving me no worry in my travelling. i trust my other party indeep. Grateful that happiness is setting into another big darling of mine. Haven seen her for how long? But i noe she is stupidily happy right now. N thats all i can be bother.

Well, if only all be happy together, my life bonded sister in the other hand doesn't really need to be treated in such a way. Her verbal speech normally can won all victory esp with all her themalogic in relationship. She sure win. But losing to a hurting 2 letter word, any woman will fall n lose the war. Sorry, i wasn't around. i noe dearie u will understand that we are always there for u. Either one of us? Does that satisfy u?

In e Fabulous Las Vegas...

2005-11-20T23:45:00.000-08:00

Some many thots passed my mind but i really have no intention of time to write them down. Here in Vegas... juz won some $$$ from the jackpot machines and checking out e emails with my dearest sweety senior, sitting right beside me checking her friendster. Ha... so close yet so far in thots!

Ever since i checked out and started solo flight... i do enjoy them much more compared to training days. But still there is always problems, small little ones that i still having problem handling with. i hope soon there will be no more. Or at least let me survive another 10 months more.

1st flight to Saigon was so nice that i love that place. All the beauty services is so affordable. I finally done my bikini wax! Arghchu..... Damn painful but gd results sio! Hot but nice hotel! 5-stars leh. Shall post some lovely pics next time.

2nd one to New york, bring my juniors gals ard the Apple city to find jewel and its juz too high a lifestyle compared to Singapore. Finally met the lady with Liberty! Shot wif her only from afar. Have fun with e locals and their Subways. Walking in the almost freezing street make my lips fail to pronounce words properly. Hee! Have fun indeed. The whole trip will be prefect if i dun need to duty back on my 22nd bday.

Luckily my Darling is waiting for me in the familiar airpot back in home. With my bday present awaiting too! Happily went to eat wif e Merlion and cut my cake @ Black Angus. With Clare's invitation we headed down to Thumper and have "fun". "Waterfall" to be exact... a killer. Vomitted and ended up with sorethroat! Thanks Chris for the "fantastic" bday gift.

Met up wif Kenny, and felt triump for him to won the top prize. Saw his masterpiece and secretly hoping i was in that too. too bad, next time then i guess. Good job bro... if u happen to read. Muz keep me in ur list of talents hor!

Heart attack...

2005-10-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

Finally here to share some deep thoughts which I dread putting down on black and white… They were appeared to me as my weakness one day that I din wan to admit at all. If I can stop myself there and stop writing now, nobody will noe. Who cares as if a lot of people reading this pathetic blog that is hardly updated and constant dull and boring layout. No one will believe that I graduated as a designer upon tt kind of layout.

Haven been scheduled to flight this month at all! I guess they are punishing me in their own way. I thought it would be beneficial since I really missed Singapore a lot. Boredom is finally catching up with people thinking that I am over sticky already. That’s e whole bloody problem when you have too much time.

Was trying to catch up with my Auntie yesterday at a familiar Neighborhood Shopping mall… Junction 8. Well, covered a vast of topics ranging from relationship to career than briefly touch on “marriage” plan? Of course it was mainly hers… Not mine, cuz I have none at e moment. She never misread me before… She said: Yin, you are lost when you realized your dream was a fraud. Now you dunno where to head to…” She also mentioned some alternatives that dun sound interesting to me right now. Then she gave up talking senses in to me. But her words always set me thinking in the later part of the day… Do I really fall into love anot? Or it was just part my dream, the nicer part to make up for it unpleasant side? To her, it was juz a game!

Eventually, I decided to make a pact! 2 years and 9 mths later someone will be proposing to me. I make it my second dream to look forward too. So that I won’t be that Lost.

Happily I slept… till phone call that woke me up. A long distance call from hometown that shook me out of bed and gotten my immediate attention. My grandma is diagnosis with breast cancer. I want to go back! So I called up office and they kind-heartedly changed my standby day into a holiday. Thank you so much. Then followed by a series of calls to all kin in Singapore then followed by calls to Malaysia for double confirming my arrival and departure with my distant friends out there willing to take leave to accompany me when I am back. Thank God!

So again I am leaving town real soon… but not for work but for my dearest Ah Ma. I miss you and please dun leaves me yet. Juz not yet, right?

Revelation...{hope i din spell wrongly} :>

2005-10-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

Ha, finished the damn repeated OJT. Wasn’t smooth sailing at all… was waiting happily to be terminated by boss already. So that I dun need to pay the bond. But to my outburst surprise, he said he would give me one more chance. Mixed feelings conjured up in my heavy throbbing head. Half happy because I realized I got the hang of it at my last OJT flight when I have no stress to perform well or no worry to make mistake with the thinking ... Nevermind la last flight anyway, at most fire me lo!!!!
U will be amazed how much I improved on my last flight, I was quite amazed by my own performance as well let alone my seniors. Thankfully, I make friend with them and gotten a lot of help in the whole flight pattern this time round.
This will be the last time I will ever complain about my work cuz I am taking it so lightly that I juz need to make sure they are the one that will be firing me at the end of the day, I will be fine! Had a nice time in LA and Narita, chatting up with Hongkong based crew and have meals together was quite fun, better than waiting for my buddy all the time. Back in Narita, was another catching up moments with fellow class gers to noe more details about certain people personalities.. Who had changed and who have been fake the list went on and on… it ended with vending machine fried rice in my double bed room.
Bought a lot of tidbits back this time round, ranging from Japanese pears to shampoo and most importantly Jap diet pills… Hee was convinced by Jeneen my diet partner to try different brand. Dun believe Jap r juz born to be skinny. Come on, we are both Asian.
Quite a fulfilling trip both physically and mentally. It shows me what I actually would have been capable of… which I have been doubt it. I would proudly say: Corrine did it!

Bad Omen!

2005-09-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

Mood swung terribly these days…especially from my way back from airport. Sucks! Wasting $$ on cab fare and still earn nothing! Every time, I came back from the “hell” I just happened to be extremely sticky to my closest. Tilled I think he is suffocating already. Plus the stack of bills coming from my last month oversea expenses is driving him crazy too.
I am quite affected by it, so eventually decided to give a helping hand instead. But it was nothing compared to his beloved X-Box 360. Sometimes their mindset set me puzzled about boys and their possession of game at such age?
Decided to pester him to put a test on my charm, sadly to say… It failed me totally. Especially true when he saw his hand phone bill. Fuming mad I supposed! All e oversea calls which I insisted not to put down because I am bored! I sensed a big hole in someone’s pocket this month.
I am not any better though, finally seen some harvest but it wasn’t enough to sustain my next month expenses. Plus his birthday is around the corner, which I happened to be flying again. That also doesn’t imply that I can excuse myself from a present. Suggested everything I can think of already but still no valid because some1 is so obstinate about his possession.
Last thing I would want now is to have an oversea call from an uninvited kin. Was hostile and unrespectful! But what was there to be respected in the first place? You listened up, I will never want to hear abt you anymore, whether u r working anot? I am simply not interested! Seriously, pls dun act as if u r veri concern abt our well being and harbour the silly thot that we might need ur help one day? Wake up, ur alls so far only brought me bad luck and nothing else! I have been down on my luck already pls dun add in more before I announce to the whole world I hate u and u r dead already! Leave me Alone! Dun step into my life as I will steer clear!

Another Failure?

2005-09-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

Been thru another phrase of life when I have to admit defeat to e unbearable Japanese cultural. I have tons of unwillingly nesses to go back to that sulky place for briefing again. I felt like quitting. Strongly. Yes, never been so stress about anything in life. Its almost equivalent to my troublesome family business. Equally tiring, exhausted to my maximum already. I desperately need the $3000 to put an end to all these. If anyone is more than willing to spare the sum, I will really tender my pre-type resignation letter on Tuesday than to report to them like a rabbit obey and bowing at all their ridiculous demand.
A lot support was given from an expected source but apparently, things starts to turn sour not from within but from outsider. It was mentioned as unimportant but I juz lost my ability to juggle so many blow at a time. Seriously, be it my hostility or being obstinate but I dun wish to be in an awkward situation again at least not now. It hurts but I really dun wish to turn into another fake face and smiling like nobody’s business at pple who dun even appreciate my kindness in the first place.
It puts pple in difficult position which I definitely dun wish to, but judgments had been made on me. I can’t change the bloody fact, neither accepts it.
In the end all I get is just a comforting message asking me not to disturb. Thanks Darling for being equally hostile. What comes around will go around. I fully felt e impact. Too much too unbearable, I thought I am not breathing anymore.

2005-09-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

@@@@Precious pple Welcoming me@@@@

Back from New York...

2005-09-20T09:43:00.000-07:00

Finally back from the 12hr slower country whereby i need to stay up extremely late for constant phonecall to keep me accompany in the moment of emptiness...
If i am a rich man mistress or a rich man daughter or struck lottery i will tender my resignation letter with the $3000 cash all change into 1 yen coin and throw them at the office... Ask them to wake up from their senses.
Too bad, stop dreaming none of the above will happen... So i will be bonded for another 11 more suffering months. I offered to learn cooking if someone is willing to pay that sum for me but was rejected without further ado.
Sad that i wasn't able to make it to my darling sis bday chalet... wanted so much to be around but i was stuck in the hotel in Narita. Juz browsed thru both their blogs realized sometimes pressence of supporting pillars are really essential. Too bad, i wasn't around! Sorry ger, u muz be lost! Anyway pls do take care of yourselve, i foresee more of such situation will take place. But do bear in mind, i truly care! Sorry to my bday ger, not that i dunno wan to meet up but dun wish to worsen my stage of fanancial status. Hope ya will understand. True enough we been thru high and low tides for abt 9 years and of cuz more to come... The thot of us being ard to chill and talk have nv been better.
Lastly, time passby more quickly on flight hopefully it will even be faster for me to embark on my next green pasture awaiting! Give special thanks to my beloved one waiting for every flight i touch down at Changi Airport. Your pressence there welcoming me is so much more comforting compared to all the calls. I do appreciate it. Sleeping there while waiting but pls dun ever throw temper again, it ruined everything! Hee!

1st OJT Flight"""

2005-09-05T10:01:00.000-07:00

Was a total disaster, was anticipating to go to States so much that everything turned not only sour but also unthinkable. I went prepared all my necessary knowledge. Sad to say Manual sucks, no clear definition and got me into big shit in Narita airport.
Was eventually calmed down by the fake good intentioned pple that kept saying that they are here to help me, but stabbed me the most back in Sing office. Apology letter somehow become my forte after e 7 days trip to Los Angeles. Hate to admit it but this dream of mine sucks big time.
I thought I am fully prepared for the worst but I am really getting the worst of everything. Worse still bring down the name of Sin 60 to more notorious level that no one can imagine. Was forced to include that anymore mistake will eventually tender my resignation letter instead of anymore apology.
Well if that really happened, I guess it just narrowed everything down that I am not fated to be one then.
Hurt myself in the most silly and wrong timing, ended up limping my way thru e Business Class 6 hours of service and back to Singapore. Then was confronted by Senior regarding my fatal mistake. Told them the truth and juz reminded to take things by nature. Dun need to assert too much stress on myself during the rest of the flight. Hope it helps! Or else, I guess I am really needy of ladyluck!
Hopefully Osaka is a better place to be.

Back for GOOoooD!

2005-08-26T22:31:00.000-07:00

Hi pple i am back to bug and disturb all my loved one around me.. Have been suffering for the longest agony in the most foriegn country with the most pervertic and weirdo culture..
Was there for my 6 weeks of hell training without welfare and constant sarcastic remarks. Shopping was not exciting and food sucks big time there. Lost weight and appetize when i am about to come back. No life and extremely ill treated as a trainee there. Smile fixed on and bowing every now and then was the culture be it happy or sad!Experienced the tragic culture shock and inability to communicate... all these was eventually warmed down by the constant connection from home town.
Never know that i am so used to be in Singapore a place of mixed cultures, where the fun and exciting pple are available. I miss my partying session and all my closest friends including the special one. No more thumper but all the gers gather at the lounge area where vending machines catered to our alcoholic needs. No music but only chattering and complains of the training program planned for us.
I tink the worst scenario is when we were trying to enjoyed ourselves with only jokes, there came e security guard asking us how the temperature setting... all of us tot strange. After a consult with e local crew, this would happen becuz we are too noisy he is trying to tell us to lower down our volume. How straightforward isn't it?
When the aircraft touched down yesterday, i was filled with joy inside out juz like a little ger who juz gotten her lollipop.. Was greeted by my suprisingly missed MUM, God mum, best friends and my dearest. Felt the love and warm totally.
Without 2 say thumper was my next stop after discarding all my baggages at home. Plus the long missed gd food.. going to have all in these pathetic 2 days in Singapore.
B4 i embark on the next destiny of the job. Luck is all i need.

Changes took place

2005-08-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

Alot of changes took place ever since dream came true. Be it good or bad, i rather to hide under low profile.New surrounding appeared to be bitchy, like wat every1 expected! N some double identities personalities is keeping me puzzled all the time. Can not differrentiate the good and bad ones. So intended to go along only with e most innocent ones, to prevent getting hurt unneccesary.Other than juicy gossip, Stress is another major factor in contributing to this dream of mine. Stressed till i cried over a quite gd results in the past but something unmentionable to them. High expectation? Make over me?Have a hard time trying to act feminine and demure, cultured and classy, simply i am not any of those? Starting to indulge myself in the high end social life which i actually feel intimidated by all their approaches.Going to leave things as it is meant to be.. "absences make the heart grew fonder" is the only belief i can hold strongly to as a form of comfort and consolation. Well true will be out in due course anyway. Foreign enviroment is definetely keeping me excited but i juz hope i am versatile enough to merge into the new life of mine in no time. Enjoy n happiness is all i am inviting.

Counting down...

2005-07-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

Time really fly fast when you are busy and stress. With a twitch of eyes... i actually left only one more pathetic week in this loving n full of memories country. Leaving for my long awaited dreams there...
Have been damn busy with training and an idoit who refused to meet me most of the time... N made me terribly upset yesterday, throwing me alone in the mid of Orchard rd. I was simply not taken account for when anger arises.
Endored myself with new clothes from Mango sale and terribly fighting for time to buy some essential stuffs for Japan. Muz agreed with me with both hands n legs, got mysely an branded one-piece swimsuit for only ten bucks. Couldn't wait to shall e good bargain with my fellow colleagues.
Went to a nice German pub in Millenia Walk, gorging down on their inhouse German beer to quench my thirst. Was playing my forte finger game with a lousy player who thinks he can read my mind all the time. Hee, apparently he is wrong again, cuz he was e one gulping down the last drop of beer. Try again when i am back ba... Perhap .. only perhap u might have the chance to win.
Lastest update, my sis is going to be attached soon, i think! But I dun really feel comfortable with the idea of her getting into another relationship when i am really leaving in less than 1 week time. Some fake kind soul volunteered to take care of her when i am gone. Well, ill-intention is all that i can predict. But still, please think twice ger! If possible think thrice! I dun wan you to go thru any form of mistreated event when i can be there for ya. i will be damn worried. True enough i was implusive too, but the fact is that i can handle all these shit better than you most of the time if u realized. So please, heed my advice. Dun sink into something that u dun even sure of in the first place. Can u give me assurance that he is the 1 u have been seeking 4, the one u really wan to be wif compared to all ur forest and plenty of rejected souls out there still waiting for ya. Well, dun planned to be a wet blanket but just seriously concern abt this weakling sis of mine.
Lastly, last week of training.. another series of Japanese lessons before i am gone. Officially leaving on 17th July Sunday 6AM. Whoever out there feel like sending me off, pls do so! P:S, flower is a muz... only Tulips is accepted. Ha! Will drop by when i finally graduated as a full time air- stewardess in Japan.

Japanese Test is over!

2005-06-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

After 3 weeks of training, i muz say it is more than i can handle. My Daily routine changed so much that i almost couldn't managed. To further emphasize my current situation, my dark rings is the best evidence.

Muz really admit defeat to the super duper rich in culture language. Have to go thru so much then i can managed to say something out in simple yet super polite greetings. Wasn't excelling in this language, in fact did quite badly during my daily oral test. But today mark the end of my JAL 1 module.

Scored full marks for my listening test but oral wise, stil not sure yet. Committed a few serious mistakes, afterall still considered smooth. Hopefully can pass e test. To celebrate the occassion, went to have dinner wif Joelle n boyfriend, of cuz dun wish to play gooseberry, dragged him along. Then headed down to my long missed heaven.

Didn't really enjoy myself, cuz i was dead tired. An unexpected guest came over and said hi. Then i was informed that he wasn't alone. Well, updated myself with some lastest gossip and plurged up my courage and sent a blessing message to congrat him.

left Thumper at 2 plus with e rest. Some1 is extremely nice to me today. Abit surprise and thankful for such sweet acts.

Muz really congrat myself, i am half way thru my tedious training. Hopefully can go thru this faster. It isn't a easy journey at all. Ganbatte kudasai!

last blogging? last day at work?

2005-05-30T04:37:00.000-07:00

Glad to be in a new chapter of life.. saying Sayonara to my past comfort zone. So i am parting this communication of writing too. For quite some time i guess. I have been trying hard to spiced up my life n too much to update at 1 go. Let me simplified...

Last nite, i did something damn adventurous.. at my own expense but at another's misery. I kind of like wat i have done though i Do feel guilty. Anyway, managed to settle it at slightly past mid nite.

Wat initiated me then? Again some discomfort that was suddenly imposed on me n smoothly went thru n unknowingly fell upon another innocent soul that cares even more than me. Well, have to admit that i still care, thats y i flare? But no that i did it on purpose but somehow or other i am still such an vulnerable soul at times? i tend to ponder y is there a need for explaination when everything is over. Y can't u do it slightly earlier? Perhaps it will be another ending by now? Than a series of unmeaningful msgs which serve no meaning at all now.

Went to watch Starwar during the weekend! O really broke my own record of movie in a month man. Guess i muz be a woman of words... Liverpool rulz! A bet on you that i am more than willing to pay for. Anyway, "You will never walk alone again." But e show is damn long, so long that my butt went numb again. The problem wif movies...

Hibernating at home was a better way to state the helpless situation. Well, its quite humorous when different emergencies arises. The invention of water bomb too. Wahahaha!

Read some1 blog n his sadness is strongly immersed into me. Well, wat can i say? Partially is still my ignorance that cuz a sad ending to them. I tot i have long left them to be alone. No longer epicted in that tangled up drawing n escaped my day-light castle.To my surprise, my presence
is gone but not in memories. Juz wanna to add on, (if u r reading) already accepted n forgiven the fact. Then dun brood over it anymore. It wouldn't be healthy at all. Do u stil remember u r e 1 he chose to be wif. Not me! Anyway, dun tink i can ever make any comment in all these emotional affairs of urs. After all, i am e 1 who broke ur trust in him. Now then i started to feel like saying "Sorry" to e innocent party.

Is going to be quite some time b4 i will be here to blog my daily life again. So to all that will be concern abt my whereabout or even my life, guess i am only a phonecall apart. Thanks for sharing my pursuit to my long awaiting dream. It actually took me half a year to fulfil it. Now i am saying Goodbye to my Blog "Vapor."

The Nite is still Young

2005-05-20T04:07:00.000-07:00

Last nite I was struggling to stay at home as there wasn't much accompany available at our usual Thursday spot. Or rather no one is confirm going till 10 plus.. Uncle Terence happened to be nearby n more than willing to give moi a trip down to Thumper. While hesitation, my buddy n partner were already there and it hit the "go" button n there I went.

Reached there with a positive attitude juz to have fun. Was ok at first esp when I was Greeted with my sweet Chocolate Martini. Leo joined us in his formal suit much later, which actually made me felt even better... The more the merrier.

Was dancing with Leo when Uncle Terence went entertaining his friends. Decided not to tag along, maybe I shd. I regretted not doing so. Cuz, in e mid of dancing I was caught to attention by Leo's question. "R u stil wif him anot?" I turned my head n saw a familiar yet foreign face chatting wif other gers away. My presence is either not outstanding enough to be notice or was chose to ignore.

Well, the unexpected encounter wasn't in a bit maintaining my nite. I tried veri hard trying to avoid any unpleasant or unsightly act. On my way to the Ladies, still I finally caught his attention. Not too happy abt that, cuz our conversation sounded so shallow n not sincere at all.

Was quite troubled by his presence I muz say, I didn't do a good job to a potential player in disguise. Still, was confronted by another guy with again Chocolate Martini as a hello. Tod me that he was still pissed with my evil act the other day but stil that drink is specially bought for me. Coming for my apology, too bad I never intend to. Moreover, I wasn't in the mood too. Sista was rite, he is damn unlucky all the time.

Uncle Terence finally couldn't stand my listlessness and suggested leaving as Clare n gang all left already. Without further a do, we went to my favorite spot...Punggol End. We talked n smoked and said "hi" to the coastal officer. Some crazy acts was done but purely friends. Thank You.

Evil

2005-05-16T04:48:00.000-07:00

Was a really tired n exhausting weekend. Started of with Yoga lesson at Heartland Mall after a fulfilling meal at Sakae Sushi. Luckily managed to shake off some fats i hope. Then followed by a dinner date which was postponed from last week.

Then went for some huge serving Australian Restuarant for dinner. Then followed by a Looooong movie. Its has been so long since i last watched a movie. Anyway, its a OK rated 1. Not too impressive but my butt is aching all over after e 2 and 1/2 hr of sitting there. The date continued at this Germany enviroment pub with live band and nice beer.

May called and went to Devils to meet her and compared the differences of the two airline. Apparently hers is offering a better deal. There not the main issue! i was bombared with alot of questions by this supposedly humorous guy( for e past few days). But that night he pissed me off to my extend. Which forced me to break my church date with him the following next day. Went for supper wif may n gang and my date insisted to send me home even though he lives a hell long distance from Fernvale. Reached home around 4 plus. Intending to have my full 12 hr sleep. Sadly to say...

That irritating guy is back to pestered me to go temple wif him with his carefully pharse words which left me can't say no at all. So in the end, i intended to go in my best appearance n make him dissappear from my life soon. I went out wif my super black face n refused to talk. Went to the temple as promised then e dinner at Hawker Centre. ( after a veri insulting comment) then he proposed to go shopping at Bugis, i juz brushed off the idea by telling him i am tired.Then he asked for me opinion n i suggested going home. He offered to send me back, i rejected by calling Guorong down to pick me up. While waiting, i can't stand his presence anymore. Hastily, i excused myself to the Ladies n stay indoor till Guorong called up.

Went to my auntie's place cuz my relatives came over. Stay for the nite. N learn more Jap characters. Hee! Already working hard.
Guess i was too mean in a way but really can't take it le.

Final Ending

2005-05-13T04:41:00.000-07:00

Muz really updated my blog a little...

Got into another pile of shit again! Let me tell you, this time round everything took place in order. Firstly, was a common daily pursuit with a lot of fake kind-intentions. Well, I am blinded by that decent look of his! Hee, actually was just another Player in the market. Well got into Official term then only 2 days ago, I called it an end.

Well, something new... This one actually call moi a childish ger. Come on, I am more than willing to let go. In the 1st place, I was never childish! I dun find it myself, none of my friends mentioned that before. All of them are always commenting that I am too mature for my age. Not that I wanna to prove him wrong or wat. I can't be bother with!

Been thru too much suffering when I am about to sink deeper n deeper. Actual intention is to endure till I left for Japan. As my dream has to be accompanied by an official boyfriend. But, too bad, a friendly n nonsense call came n shake me awake. Dun wish to be somebody's invincible partner. Can't stand the way I have been ill-treated like a nobody's child. Not being bother n care can be hurting too. My presence getting more n more nude. Camouflaging into the surrounding eventually.

Perhaps, it has been obvious to all, that I will be giving in. But that's wasn't my character. Think too highly of me le ba. Having to save the SMS in my Draft for so long, kept editing it every now n then till I was finalized when he again dun see my need. He muz have tot that I am impulsive due to our last conversation but it wasn't so. Strongly emphasized!

Ok, that's over! Anyway need to give my deepest gratitude to this great friend of mine... Offering accommodation fee n allowances during my training. To tink that I treated him so badly half a year ago. He, not only not angry but still helpful in my desperate situation. Seriously thankful!

Yesterday, went to moi 1st full SPA treatment at Mosque St. Really quite relaxing... Anyway its free. Free always equivalent to GoooooD! Hee, out of this friend kind offer, I have been given another 2 more vouchers. Hurray!!! Whoever is interested pls Queue! Hee, actually is reserved for my pitiful sista at home studying for her final papers next week. Shall save it for her ba?

Transitional period

2005-05-10T04:39:00.000-07:00

Trying to take a step at a time, not rushing into making any impulsive action. But I am burden by thousand and one things on mind. Like wat I said, I will have to be strong n independent -to settled all by myself.

Have been trying to seek for cheap and affordable shelter during my lowly paid training period. Contacted all my possible links but no valid so far, quite discouraged. Turned to my last alternative... Even so, its still on pending. Haiz...

Have to talked to my landlord lady again, seriously haven been able to come up wif a light-hearted starting line to proach the sensitive subject. Anything revolves around money is juz sensitive...Hmmm. But still have to done in a most appropriate manner, so that my deposit wouldn't be forfeited.

Other than this, need to go everywhere to borrow smart formal apparel for my training period. Well, all come in a package... Inclusive of court shoes, stockings, make-up and bunning of hair. See no need to spend money in such investment which will no need them again the e next 10 years. So again, need to trouble my resources.

Last one the my stress list will be that I am starting to learn Jap le. Well, haven even able to write without grammatical error in English yet... Have to plunged in all my attention in Japanese already. Come on, I am well-known language idiot. Not that I have shorter tongue to pronunce my R, L... But its not that flexible enough to tie the stupid cheery stalk into knot on every attempt yet! Still can thinking about partying at this critical moment...

Lastly, I will not miss any party session this month. Cuz no more will be allow once my training starts.

Dream Accomplished!

2005-04-28T06:18:00.000-07:00

Gladly to annouce... I have been selected to be an Air-stewardess. In Japan airline. Finally survived to pass the three rounds of interviews. Last stage is the medical check-up, which i attended today.

That comes my surprise. Managed to passed the body check-up as these is no blood test. Everything is Normal! Even my urine and eyesight is considered normal. But my hearing test wasn't that smooth. Normal people hearing sense is ranging from 0-30. In different pitches! i was actually immuned to high pitch tone. which resulted in, mine was ranged from 0-40 on the first attempt.

But on second attempt, I was tested n managed to pull it up to 0-35, then the tester actually said that she will round it up for me to the normal standard.. As she will pass me then. Happy!

Last 1 will all rely on my x-rays results, hopefully will be a happy rounding up where fulfilling my dream... May it be a dream come true?

Drunkard

2005-04-21T22:18:00.000-07:00

Ha, achieved my aim of my thumpering session last night. I was super high, till the extend that I was crying n hugging my sister at the same time. Hee, you may laugh, mock or even be angry with me for not taking care of myself, but I simply can't be bother with whatever negative opinion people might imposed on me this time.

I am happy to be drunk. That's sounded silly, I know! But I am! Being toasted around drinking different hard liquors, then band members tot I was sick. Hee all kinds of illusion!

Happy that my sister was there throughout for me. Sincerely sorry to trouble her till such an extend. Wasn't in my planning at all. Hard to say, a lot of things wasn't in planning as well... They happened too. I know people are angry, or what so ever not happy. I refused to pacify any of these.

Side effects are enough to kill me, dun have a good rest at all. Plus all the attempts to make myself puke. Terrible night. I guess to make everything for a reason, I am really feeling much better. Settled down all my unbalanced up emotional waves and ready for my final countdown.

Floating up and down, like in a never ending roller coaster ride!

Hiding up!

2005-04-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

Good news to broadcast... Darling Me struggled n mumbled thru the 2nd round of interview... Proceeding to next step is my final countdown. Although I was overwhelmed by the JAL aerogramme on Tuesday, but apparently it didn't help in improving my moodiness a little.

Well, bad news always followed by...Need to present ourselves in shorts this time round. 1/2 of the battle lost! My biggest flaw is my legs. Shitty..@2@2!

Was brooding about my family on-going problem, hopefully this time round would be a final full stop to all their nonsense. Then a bit of my own dilemma about my own emotional affair! 'Too much of creepiness n not focus and rational enough in too much of time.' Is the only conclusion I can make up wif or I can deceived myself wif.

More than a few, told me we didn't behave like wat we should be. I tot is was ok. But I was wrong cuz its started to bothered me like thousand of ants attacking me at one time. Super vexed feeling which I have no control over. Sister advised me to cool down n think thru then organized my tots then followed by a confrontation.

I tried and attempted to share my lifestory but no listening ears. As much as I wanted a confrontation the more I think is not necessary anymore. I wondered if I preferred the old lifestyle of not shutting and tying down and be as open as whoever can be. Fly to my Freedom.

Again, I chose to ignore, remain stagnant like My darling!

Adrenaline Level HIGH!

2005-04-18T05:23:00.000-07:00

A weekend of important events in life. Specially dyed my hair to charcoal black to match certain requirement to show my sincerity. Then rushed all the way to Pasir Ris to attend my darling 21st bday chalet. Damn tired the whole weekend!

Apparently no one have a easy way out in life. The more u wan to avoid something, the more the thing will fall back onto u. I am bothered with that, I have no way out at all. Seriously, I dun noe how to handle such an incident. I am especially lost in this. Totally helpless! I have trying to avoid this for so long why must I still need to face all this shit.

My mum used to be so much like me! A woman of beauty and goal in life! A woman that is so strong that no obstacle can considered as one when she is around. She brought the two rascals up on her own. But when she is lost all her abilities, her two children both decided to run away from her misery. She is facing her super down side of life with no rapport support at all. She choose to go down the stinky drain still!

I hate this, when something happened at home, all my dreams will go down that stinky drain too. I think that goes my JAL too. Hee, No I am putting blame on anyone but apparently all these happened too many times in life already. Bye to all my dreams. I am a goner! Thanks to all my so called 'kinship' in life.

Tentatively, of course JAL is still on pending but I didn't do so well in the second interview plus all these shitty stuff now of cuz that's it. No hope already!

Model Answer

2005-04-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

Hi I am Corrine Puai Lee Hoon. 21 going to 22 this year. Recently Just graduated from temasek poly last year with a diploma in Apparel Design and Merchandising.
Previously I have been engaged in different vacations in the related field. Which has conditioned me to work in Customer Service line with tact and aplomb.
The reason that I am here today is to fulfill my ambition as a Air stewardess. I personally feel that I am up to the job prequiste requirement. With the additional bonus of my flair in providing professional services. I came to realize that being a air stewardess is not a easy job like what it appeared in the public eyes. A lot of effort and patience is wat have to offer. But of course,what attracted me the most is how this job pays back, its gives me the opportunity to see the amazing world in return.
This mega carrier is internationally well known for their hospitality and comfort. N of cuz a place that provide me with a strong training foundation. So this is a place I would like to find my career in. As a self motivated individual, I believe I can add value to the prestige airline and thus be a excellent employee.

Down right being played!

2005-04-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

I know i sounded too serious but i dun like the feeling of last minute of changing plans. Spoilt all the anticipation n the fun.

I now i should be more forgiving n i know sisters rulz... after all we ruled for the past 8 years together. Perhaps because we haven been meeting up for the past 2 months. Thats why, we are so eager to meet each other when all are free. But too bad... dissappearing act will continue till we finally meet up again.

I am sorry sis... I know i am petty, but there is not ur forte right? U noe eventually u will lost all ur credibility if this continue. I know the fact that u have been spontanous in the past... but juz let me grumble to pleased my anger. Sorry i know i am too petty!

Quarter Life crisis

2005-04-05T04:07:00.000-07:00

You may find it funny... But I think I am really in the phrase of life where I began to feel to fall into the crisis.

I am young n vibrant as a 22 year old lady! Surrounded with... (let me think) well, only 2 really long lasting sisters which have stood by me through thick and thin for the past eight years. My really only comfort! Other than that, my kin are really getting more distant from me as I have moved out 3 years ago. Well, of cuz I rather I pay my monthly rental than go through all the quarrelsome matters at home. But, I actually never spare much thoughts for them all the time...In actually reality, I am running away from them. Dun wish to be trapped in that kind of situation again.

Other than that, my career is still blur-image! No rush yet, I will look for real accomplishment in life then I will plunge all my attention and time into it. But so far,I am quite satisfied with the current situation where financially is well balance and eventually quite relax and really having too much if fun.

Romances is the last thing I will like to elaborate and faced. I am born to feel inferior in this area. I hate to admit it but I can be quite a coward in emotional issue. That never fails to drive me crazy all the time. Be it a one sided love or both madly in love,it always ended with superimpose negative effect on my experiences.

This reminded me, my 1 year mourning period is up! Does it means I will be bloosoming in a romances again? I really think he has showed up already... I hope!

Other than the above-mentioned, I have the whole forest of trees, available in all varies shape and sizes... All different professionals and backgrounds to entertain the lonely Pig.

Shut Down!

2005-04-04T04:17:00.000-07:00

Weeks passed by so fast that I didn't even catch any glimpse of any event last week. I was too occupied with my search of job I think. Finally have time to sit down n flood my blog with entries that have been delayed too long to consider as fresh n juicy.

Good news people! I got the offer from Fendi. But apparently I didn't take it. U may think I must be crazy or too loaded, but I am none to the above both claims. I guess I was so willingly to send in resume and go for the three rounds of interview is just to regain my confidence level back to my normal standard before any serious one pop by.

This week just swam past as I was again sending application forms and photos to different airlines to live my dream and my not*totally tarnish* hope to fly! Well, I learn to take it easy this time and definitely not going to be so affected by the respond like it always leave a negative impact on my life.

Other than being able to face the defeated challenges again, another thing which worth mentioning will be the Design Fashion Show held at Timerlux Centre last Saturday. I deliberaly skipped my Friday partying session just to make sure I managed to wake up on time the next day. And of course I did...... In a way.

The Show is pathetic with only eight models and really much smaller scale compared to all the rest of the graduation shows held by Temasek poly. Gosh...I wondered with no much hope for the following year...

Everyone looks more or less the same. Some grew wider, some still maintaining good and recognize shape. But one thing that never fails to come out from their concerned mouth is" So, Corrine which company are you working with now?" Which totally caught me tongue tight! Corrine tongue tight? What's the problem!

I have a problem, a guilty conscious for neglecting my skill that they have imparted to me. Not putting all I am taught is such a waste to their effort. I am sorry! But I promised to all my lecturers, one fine day I will pay back by contributing to this sun setting industry, and make sure there will be rainbow at the end of it.

Weekend Getaway

2005-03-28T03:54:00.000-08:00

Its was unusual Weekend that still ended with numerous parties! So what actually is abnormal?

Its the accompany of that night! Lets put our hands together to welcome Mr Bryan into the group. I must say he is in stead of wat he has in mind. Well, that's his problem shan't disappoint too many young men out there who still think they do stand a chance.

Talked abt Me! My sis was so drunk on Thursday nite that she actually slept over at my place. Come on, I wasn't that petty, but the worst scenario of my handphone went dead that morning as well. Immediately added on the burning anger that have been there broiling since Thursday. That makes both Thumpering nights no longer as thumpering. My long and sulky face really never invites any passer-by to get us drinks or even say hi! Now then I noe, maybe I really do captivated guys with my ten million dollar smile. *except my kawaii tiger tooth*Hee!

Went to explore Artica with Eugene, boring! Wanna so much to catch the 1st Fashion show in
town, but sadly to say... We only managed to go for the party! Anyway, went down to thumper and still my sis is Missing in action again... Stood up for almost 2 hours. Pissed wif her... To appeased my anger, she dragged Bryan down. This was where the hugging n kissing act that took place in Thumper that broke millions of guys' heart. Finally my dearie really moved on.

Went to Sentosa on the weekend... Well weather not cooperating. So a lot of things can't be done due to the uncontrollable rain. Settled home at 3plus and slept awhile then ended up in Northeast Medical Clinic.

idle

2005-03-22T03:29:00.000-08:00

A weekend of Partying finally ended with a drastic change in my lifestyle. An evaluation for it would be "trying to experimental, but still stick back to our old belief".

A pause from the previous Violated encounter till now, was tremendously a different story.
Tentatively intend to exposed our feet dancing or our butts sitting in new environment, but eventually still heard the calling of our "heavenly" friends and make a U-turn to where we belong.

It was exceptionally crowded with familiar faces. Firstly must give credit to the welcoming pretty babes at the entrance, who showed n led us to the Vip Q without any mention of names.
Finally succeeded in having the "Thumper Regular Look"! Yeah Sis, we did it again!

The procedures followed as usual, deposited our bags at the Bag Counter with the Forever Smiling Skin-head keeper! He proudly introduced to us his "woman" who reciprocated the acknowledgement with a loud "meow"! Wow!

When to our favorite spot and started saying Hi to the on going rocking band. Of cuz, with my favorite companion around, Chocolate Martini definitely couldn't be missed. With my favorite drink on hand, I went around PR with a boost! Greeted Vincent with a hug, apparently he was drunk. Cues he smelled so. Then to Terence and I clumsily spilled my martini on my jeans! *Wat a waste* but, my effort in pushing thru the crowded wasn't wasted. I was rewarded with two Kinder beuno. Easily satisfied!

Eugene was the 3rd guy I greeted that night. Well, appreciated his effort to rush down from Zouk to Thumper just to see that I will be in safe hand that night. So I must say, Sweetness is so irresistible. Garry was the only one that didn't even dared to talked to me, bet he muz be guilty conscious. The desperate guy!

Dancing in the is sure a weekly workout for me! Perspiring tilled almost drench condition. The night was considered normal to me but to my Sis, well is downright disappointment. Double-combo surprises. Shan't go into details but she drank the dreadly Waterfall and thankfully she is well-trained in her tolerance of alcohol.

The night ended with a Timex watch as souvenir beside my bed! Hee!

Monkey Business, Mind U! Looked at the Mirror 1ST!

2005-03-18T04:09:00.000-08:00

Last day of work, with the urge of letting my hair down and call for celebration! Plus with my sis never ending support, I was again in Thumper.

Well, apparently opposite species think too highly of themselves! After a direct rejection on my sis behalf, they appeared or try hard to be Gentlemen! Sadly to say, he flunked totally! Guy, worked harder, or dun even try to put on the fake front, simply too low class.

Anyway, with the thought of clearing up all misleading or any misunderstanding already, should be friendly n sharing cab home together is just another friendly gesture. Again, wolf shows it tail! I was Violated!

Holding on to my pathetic hand and aggressively ordering me "its between the two of us!" Thick-skin to the heavenly extreme, which not only make me feel like puking, hot-blooded to give a tight slap plus some counseling to his desperate condition in the most crude manner to shake, wake and skin him alive. Those above-mentioned, was not carried out to prevent any kind of surprises to come by which will drive me to any kind of disadvantage! Protect myself was my only concern IN TOP PRIORITY!

With my heart thumpering like the music there, I hope there is an alternative to save me from all the shameful behavior of his! But mind froze, witty Corrine was brain dead for the whole journey. Could only keep my mouth muttering all different kind of questions to bombarded and divert the pervert attention away.

God blessed me! Reached home finally... I was finally defrozen!

People learn from their life experiences, but I hope U can learn from mine to save you the Violated experiences which I am sure U won't want people to forced themselves on you.

"Hold my hand, Hug me, Kiss Me!" Fuck You!

Merry Merry Go Round?

2005-03-16T03:52:00.000-08:00

Finally my superb packed schedule is calling an end! Cheers!

Last Day at work but on the surface, everything looks the same. Come to a conclusion, no one on earth need to depend on any individual. Guess, sooner or later my existence would not mean anything worth.

Yesterday, was a dream come true! Remembered my last Christmas, desperately wanted a getaway but ended up nothing but tons of unmentionable dissapointment. My trenchcoat dream was down in drain.

But I offered him a make it up opportunity, still he failed it terribly again. Totally throw me out of the happy n enjoying trip. Nevermind, things have move on, so i wasn't that sad anymore. But, a super loyal collegue of mine when to Hong Kong too, came back juz only yesterday! Appeared in clinic with a Burberrys Trenchcoat from Hong Kong and i was simply Bewildered.

Thanks for not failing my dreams... though its abit delayed but i am still grateful for the belated and longwish Christmas gift. Its the best gift this year! Sally,"muack" Love you so much, darling!

fROM StraTCH Again?

2005-03-11T03:20:00.000-08:00

Have been occupying myself with the numerous resumes and cover letters, never imagine they can be such a chore at times. Time is running out... In less than a week I will be officially out of job and I am still unable to clinched a confirmation from any interview yet. Am I losing my convincing interview power already,or its has all been robbed away by SIA?

Ha, shan't put the blame on others, ya, its me! No longer as convincing as what I used to be. But I am getting worried what if I really run low on saving and then how? Will I be pathetic enough that I can't go to my beloved thumper anymore...

Hee, I know that wasn't the main thing in concern. The main thing is that I will be bored to death because someone which has been quite close to me recently with his really really nice and forever caring gestures, has juz got enlisted today. I tot his presence will not mean so much in my on going life. But apparently, it turns out to be vice versa. I strongly felt the difference after I hugged him the last time and he went off with his buddies. So I think twice now, perhaps I will be really bored to death when I have nothing on hand to do. But, can not depend so much on this species, muz be living in the 21st century where woman shall be standing aloof and dun even give the opposite sex any chance to prove otherwise.

Quite a happening day today, woke up as early as 1030am to get prepare for interview at Fendi later, with the fact that I only got home at 5am this morning. A piglet like me only slept 5 pathetic hours, how to stay pretty and charming? Later on, went to Compass point to have lunch with Mr Easily Contended, because he is going to be away for quite a long period of time. I already missed him accompany,I think he will be happy to see this blog. Anyway, woke up early today just for him. Hope he sees the effort! Plus my blessings and prayer for him to endured thru all the hardship that will come by pretty soon.

Having Jap food wif his buddies that tink so little of me. Well another thermology applied, woman muz knows when to act stupid! Ha! Of cuz, I succeeded again in that stunt of mine! After a friendly hug, he left with his buddies and I headed towards my interview at Orchard. Hee, was quite bored and affected by his missing presence, dragged my beloved sis out of bed in the sickly condition to town, to give me moral support in the search of my job hunting process. Without further a do, she was really here. Thanks Sis... U r the best.

After that, tried n tasted the black sesame bun, read it from my latest beauty book (from Taiwan female artist Da S) that it will help in growing healthy hairs, apparently the taste n smell drove me crazy and I can't bring myself to swallow it at all. There go my black n shiny hair then. Rushed back to work.

Friday nite, need not to emphasis, its Thumper nite. But we were missed out in that scornful DJ's guestlist! To prove our ladies independence, we seek help elsewhere! Surprisingly gotten it from the unexpected Mr J. Anyway Big hugs n Kisses to aid us in kicking that asshole...

mR iDEAL

2005-03-08T04:18:00.000-08:00

iDEALISM seem varies differently from each individual. I actually have a long discussion over this subject last night in a violated call. Then the thought of mind mapping down all the important factors is definitely essential in my long searching for e MrRight in time to come.

Muz be Older... Any under 10 years different is acceptable... But NOt 7, sorry only to those who are born in 1976.
Muz a Man of word. Please make sure whatever is mention got to be accomplished by crook or hook. Sorry is not acceptable. Honesty is always the best Policy.
Tall... Please lah, at least I dun need to abandon all my lovely heels. Plus I am not that tall...
Knowledgeable man keeps my interest level high all the time.
Muz be a Responsible & Romantic family man.
Have to Love Children, cuz I dun really have much patient for them. But of cuz, I muz be the centre of care n concern. Dun ever neglect ME!
Attentive, I am a lady that is high maintenace to fulfil my need to always seeking for attention...
Not marriage talk at the age of 23...Sorry, my own preference and rule in my Marriage.
No Gambler is invited.. Anti-gambling. Best is not even any involvement in ToTo and 4D...
Financially stable. Come on I dun wish to keep a gigolo. But I dun mind to be mistress...

Hee.. Ok that's all for now. I will constantly update if more requirement come by. Meanwhile any faker will not be entertained!

iSOLATION

2005-03-07T03:08:00.000-08:00

Is often considered privileged to reject love confession from suitors, I beg to differ...

During the pathetic only 2 weekends, I actually confronted by different questions by the 'nice' people around me for the past weeks or months... I hate to hear their confession nor their inner most truthful feelings. Mainly due to, whatever they r going thru whether happy or sad, were normally linked to back Me in the end. It makes me feel important? Nah!

Let me blogged something out of my mind. Firstly, I obviously know who and why you guys are there for! But after my nightmare one year ago, no matter how bad I already sounded to you, its like ten thousand times worse off then it already sound. You guys can never imagine, trust me... The stubborn victim is here... A living example, which strongly advise Not to follow. I won't want to go into details to bring back foul n sulky memories!

Who can ever or dare to point their fingers at me and say I was never willing to try be committed? Nobody! I tried for abt 2 years but what I have gotten back in return not only not favorable yet unmentionable. I tried to be committed twice in my life journey, nothing works out eventually. Without a hint of time, I wasted half a decade in the search of commitment. Dun sound rewarding huh? Anyway, how many more of such precious time a lady like me still can afford to lose? No more! All guys, listen up...

I might be still youthfully fooling around, but that's all I have! If I dun do it now ( to be fussy n choosy) You tink I will still have chance again ten years down the road? Fat hope! Even if really I still do, I seriously dun hope so( by that time... I should have my happy family already)!

Anyway, searching my inner most feeling out... I seriously can't imagined being attached at this point in time. A question popped to me by my closest Sis, really set me tinking...
I am plain selfish now, no one can imagine the extend I used to be or still are even untill the very minute this blog is being published out. I want all the care n concern showered by different people as there will never be same from each individual. I enjoyed with satisfaction ultimately. Like what I always offered to my Sis... Different individuals suits different occasion. Dun reject anyone because of how you feel about them but Focus on the things u will be doing, He or She might be the best alternatives if You can't have the most ideal one.

So obviously, I enjoyed your accompany n attention that why I am more than willing to turn up for all proposed dates. But I guessed,that's all I am ready for. Nothing more!

Eventually I would like to delicate this blogging session to those 'nice people' that I have hurt indirectly with my current mentality. Not that, you r not worthy enough for me or whatever negative thoughts you might have conjured up in ur mind. Let me give some reassurance, You are as fantastic as I can be(hee) but, Sincere apologies I can't offer what U guys have in mind.

I dun like to mislead anyone in any directions. To further emphasize my point... I declared on Isolation for one entire week. You may call it soul searching or self punishment,I DUN CARE! I hope it will reach out to the 'masses'. If no reply from me in any ways of contacts,pls try only 1 week later. Hee! Wish Me Good Luck in making friend wif Mr Boredom.